#@modern elves they could never make me blame you for anything.

[fadewalking]

Ok I have beef with Harding now, too.

[willowhaired]

Hello! I'm having a rough day and could use a pick-me-up so if you don't mind could I please get a LOTR matchup?

I'm a 20 year old autistic girl with asthma and arthritis. I'm also really short, like 4' 10" (142 cm) tall and I have wild wavy auburn hair that's almost always covered with a bandana. My style changes from feminine to tomboyish a lot. I practice witchcraft and am especially interested in communicating with spirits and deities, and I'm also an avid and very good gardener, writer, artist and I pick up tons of different hobbies ranging from falconry to leatherworking. I'm very rustic and not too modern, though I'm not entirely old fashioned either. I'm very polite and honestly a bit professional all the time (blame it on the autism) and I'm really funny and witty too. I'm very intelligent and can pull up a random fact about almost anything, especially mythology and folklore related stuff. It takes a lot to make me angry, but I'm very protective so I will come to people's aid very quickly.

Thank you so much, I hope you have a good day and a fantastic fall!

hi dear!

i'm so sorry you've had a bad day. but I've seen the pictures of your harvest and all the produce looks amazing! i've been going through a tough time myself, so i hope this will cheer you up a bit. 🤗🤍

i ship you with Aragorn!

He met you at Rivendell when visiting home after a long period in the West. You immediately caught his eyes and went up to you as you tended to the garden. Your distant attitude surprised him at first but it only sparked his curiosity and struck up a conversation every time he bumped into you. He admired how knowledgable you were in many fields and began to return to Rivendell more and more often - he promised to teach you the healing arts and often came back from his travels with exotic herbs. One time you passionately described a plant you were already familiar with and Aragorn listened to you with a smile. When you finished he commented: "It looks like I am not really needed here". You quickly started to protest and explain that you really enjoyed his lessons, only for him to assure you that he was only teasing and that you were the best student he ever had. One time, as a "farewell present" (and a thank you for his lessons), you'd made him an excellent pair of arm protectors. They were durable and beautifully crafted and they became his prized possession. Whenever the villagers in Bree would compliment him on it, he wouldn't miss an opportunity to let them know it was made by you. It was during one of his wanderings around the Shire that he realised how much he missed you. He would take you on short trips, but only to locations close to Rivendell and never to anything dangerous. It only clicked for him then, how he would constantly talk about you and how fellow rangers would tease him about it. He remembered how he would often pick you up when he returned, to twirl you around as a greeting and how his guiding touches during your lessons were more so signs of yearning to be close to you. He really cherished your smile and took note of the things that made you laugh. From this trip, he returned with a falcon: he knew how alone you felt among the tall Elves and wanted you to have company while he was away. Your relationship grew steadily, with none of you ever mentioning your feelings to the other but it being obvious to everyone around you. When the Fellowship left for Mount Doom, you insisted on accompanying them, but ended up in a heated argument with Aragorn who was absolutely against the idea. In the end, your reasoning that "even Merry and Pippin could go" won the debate and you joined the nine men. You talked with Sam for hours on end about gardening and discussed magic with Gandalf. Your falcon was often of help in alerting for enemy and your other skills greatly aided the Fellowship in their task. Although all the hardship of the journey could not prepare you for the anxiety and pain as Aragorn's coronation drew nearer. You knew your relationship would change and you risked losing him, yet spoke nothing about your troubles. Still, Aragorn knew you better. He noticed how you rambled around the castle or on the streets of Gondor and how all your smiles seemed forced. He offered to accompany you on one of your walks and confronted you about your strange behaviour - this implored you to open up and confessed how you feared losing him. He held your hands to his chest and said: "Minas Tirith is a barren city. It needs a queen with skill to make it lush again."

[thelordofgifs]

There are absolutely many different ways to interpret a text – especially one like the silm with its pseudo-historical style – but all the same, it’s worth acknowledging when your own headcanons and assumptions are being used to back up an argument and when it’s founded on canonical details.

Anyway, looking at the examples you give: Míriel is very clearly noted to be a special and unusual case, so her attitude towards death can’t be taken as indicative as any sort of elven norm. Similarly, Fëanor and Fingolfin – and especially Maedhros, who committed suicide in “anguish and despair” – are hard to use to build a case that Elves in general don’t care about death! The text certainly treats these deaths (particularly Fingolfin’s, which canonically causes his people so much sorrow they don’t even sing of it) and others such as Finrod’s and Beleg’s as tragic and filled with pathos, not non-events.

As for Fingon, might I link you to this excellent meta on his moral greyness? I definitely think he’s treated more ambiguously by the text than simply as a war hero. In any case, claiming that he “gives zero fucks about dying in battle” seems harsh – he was cut off and surrounded by multiple Balrogs, unable to make a retreat (UNLIKE Turgon, who was far enough away from Fingon that he could make a retreat) and fought valiantly even so. There’s nothing in the text to suggest that Fingon didn’t care whether or not he lived.

By the time we meet Glorfindel in LoTR, he’s been back in Middle-earth for many thousands of years; I don’t think his brief interactions with the hobbits, who don’t know anything of his history, are conclusive enough to claim that he was never affected by his death at all. And again, he’s very much an exceptional case – no other elves were ever sent back to Middle-earth from Valinor, after all.

On Lúthien and Elros – well, I don’t think it’s fair to use two people who made the very unusual choice of having a mortal death as examples of elvish views on death! I believe Lúthien’s Choice is, thematically, about release from bondage – and the final, strongest bonds she breaks are those of immortality – and reducing that down to “she must not care about her parents” is pretty harsh imo. Her Choice is meant to resonate symbolically with her earlier escape from Thingol’s treehouse prison, the fact that she has grown past being only her parents’ daughter. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about how her parents will react to her death. I also think you’re being rather unfair to poor Elros! He never even appears on-screen in any of the texts, so we really don’t know anything of the reasoning behind his Choice, and it’s a bit of a stretch to claim he “gives zero fucks” about his brother and parents.

None of these examples, in my opinion, really support your point that elves treat death flippantly and it isn’t a big deal for them.

Anyway, moving on to Dior! My personal thoughts on this are that Dior could have averted the Second Kinslaying by returning the Silmaril – I do believe the sons of Fëanor still had a moral claim to it at that stage in the story – but, importantly, he was under no obligation to be nice to the people who had abducted his mother and attempted to kill both of his parents. As for his duty to his people, there’s a reason why modern-day nations don’t negotiate with terrorists! The blame for the Second Kinslaying lies entirely with the sons of Fëanor, who made the choice to kill innocent civilians for a shiny; and while I do believe Dior could have stood to be less proud, that doesn’t mean he deserved to be murdered for it.

As much as I love Celegorm, I can’t excuse sexual assault. (I really hope you weren’t expecting me to). Well he’s in the Eternal Darkness so that should be comeuppance enough for you.

I mean… no? Firstly, I’m not thirsting for vengeance on Celegorm, he’s a fictional character (and one I personally find fascinating). Secondly, I don’t actually believe an eternity in the void beyond the world is a just and proportionate punishment for attempted sexual assault! Which actually brings me to another point quite nicely: the Everlasting Darkness fanon is such a bleak and hopeless interpretation of a text whose ultimate message is about mercy and redemption – one of the reasons I’m rather uncertain about it. But I’ll come back to that, we’re talking about Celegorm and Lúthien.

Although, Luthien is half Maiar, If she can put Morgoth to sleep, why couldn’t she do the same to Celegorm? Fluctuating power levels seems like a plot hole to me. (Also someone made a post the other day that if Celegorm was a little smarter he could have simply returned Luthien to Thingol, both an honourable and hilarious turn of events).

This is a rather strange argument to me. Why didn’t Lúthien put Celegorm to sleep?—Well, because she couldn’t. To be less flippant, Lúthien’s power levels don’t fluctuate over the course of her story so much as they grow; her encounters with Sauron, Morgoth and Mandos all show her increased self-confidence and also desperation. When Celegorm takes her captive he takes away the magic cloak she was using at that stage to put people to sleep – there’s no indication that she could have sung him to sleep without it at that time, even if she does sing Morgoth to sleep some months later. While I’m sure it wasn’t your intention, this does sound rather like victim-blaming to me: “if Lúthien hadn’t wanted Celegorm to attempt to sexually assault her she should have fought harder”.

(This isn’t the post about Celegorm returning Lúthien to Thingol, so I’ll keep it brief here, but: considering that Lúthien had literally just escaped from Thingol when Celegorm encountered her, I don’t think it would be particularly honourable to “return her” against her will. Lúthien isn’t an object to be sent where others please.)

Back to the Everlasting Darkness! Again, this is a very popular fan interpretation, and there’s nothing particularly fallacious about it; but I do think it’s important to acknowledge that at the end of the day it’s just one valid interpretation. Although I would like to just quote this one line from the silm:

Then [Fëanor] died; but he had neither burial nor tomb, for so fiery was his spirit that as it sped his body fell to ash, and was borne away like smoke; and his likeness has never again appeared in Arda, neither has his spirit left the halls of Mandos.

The text itself does imply pretty strongly that Fëanor’s spirit goes to Mandos and not the Void – of course there are caveats about in-universe unreliable narrators and so on, but all the same there is a foundation to the argument that on death the Fëanorians go to the halls of Mandos, just like any other elves.

This got rather long – to sum up, I should say that I love the Fëanorians! They’re my favourite characters by far (especially Maedhros and Maglor my darling tragic blorbos), but I think fans of these characters are doing them a disservice by attempting to justify their awful deeds. Let them be terrible people! That’s what makes them fascinating.

"elves should just get over the kinslayings 🙄🙄 feänorians aren't bloodthirsty murderers they have ✨motive✨😌😌 and besides why not just give up the silmaril and not get kinslayed 🤔🤔 ever think about that??" biting maiming murdering

[skzsauce01]

See You

gift fic exchange with ad.gold

Synopsis: Love is the last thing on Hyunjin’s mind after his best friend gets together with his rival. One Christmas party, however, might change that. Takes place after the events of Stolen, but can be read as a standalone.

Warning: alcohol

Word Count: 2.3k

Pairing: fem!reader x Hwang Hyunjin

Hyunjin doesn’t know why he’s even at the party anymore. He could be sipping spiked eggnog in the comfort of his own room, but instead he’s downing apple cider at a vampire’s raucous Christmas party. Someone pushed the drink into his hand when he arrived, and he gladly accepted thinking it was alcohol. It was not, and he was too uncomfortable with being an outsider to freely wander the house in search of another drink.

Being inside enemy territory makes him more on edge than usual, especially when he seems to be the only werewolf around. The curious looks from other guests don’t make him feel more at ease.

Hyunjin sighs and scrunches his empty cup in his hand, making a few creatures in his vicinity flinch when the cup becomes nothing more than a ball of plastic. Jisung invited him to the party as an olive branch after the Soul Vampire attack a few months ago, and Hyunjin only accepted because his friend promised she would be there. It didn’t occur to him until an hour ago that she would be at the party because Jisung is her boyfriend, not because she is going to accompany him.

He’s not mad though. He understands her reasons, and it’s not that Hyunjin hates Ji—

Who is he kidding? He hates Jisung and how he stole his best friend away from him.

Hyunjin still hasn’t seen his friend yet, which is why he has been staring at the door from his spot for the entire twenty minutes he has been at the party. His texts to her go unread, no matter how many times he checks and how many prayers he sends to the moon.

“You look like you could use some company,” an overly cheerful voice says.

When Hyunjin looks at who has sat beside him, you smile back, pearly whites showing. You have two bottles in your hand and offer one of them to him.

“Here. I hope you like… Christmas ale,” you read off the label. “I’m Y/N by the way.”

“Hyunjin,” he replies, taking your peace offering. He cracks open the top easily with a claw, more for show than practical purpose. He’s not really in the mood to talk to a stranger.

However, you seem unbothered and continue to chat anyway. “I thought vampires were supposed to be the dark, broody ones.”

“Well, werewolves can be too.” He takes a sip of his ale and feels his tongue burn from the spicy notes. “Are you always so peppy?”

“Can you blame me? I’m a Christmas elf, and it’s almost Christmas!”

It is then that he notices your pointy ears poking out from your hair. He doesn’t know much about elves other than that they have magic and pointy ears. He heard about their cheerful disposition, but until he met you, he chalked it up to stereotypes. You smile at him with sparkling eyes, and Hyunjin suddenly feels his cheeks and ears burning. He hides it by taking a swig of his drink.

“Are you waiting for someone? You’ve been sitting here a while.”

“My friend,” he replies. “She’s not answering my messages.”

“What’s her name? Maybe I know her.”

When he tells her the name, you twist your mouth as you think. Maybe it’s the alcohol talking, but Hyunjin can almost see light and warmth radiating off of you. Something about you is too bright and kind to be genuine, and he wonders if it’s your elf magic doing something.

“Oh!” You snap your fingers in recognition. “She’s Jisung’s girlfriend, right? I heard they got together a few months ago.”

“Yeah, that’s her.”

Hyunjin doesn’t add anything after that, and you mercifully don’t push the topic further. The two of you sit in silence and observe who the enchanted mistletoe by the stairs has trapped. You chlortle when you see a very shy couple peck each other on the lips before turning scarlet. Meanwhile, Hyunjin continues to nurse his drink. He expects you to get up and leave at some point, but you never do.

After a few minutes, he caves and asks, “Why are you hanging around me? There’s a Christmas party happening, Christmas elf.”

You shrug and retuck your hair behind your ears. “If I’m being honest, you looked a little sad earlier. I thought you could use a friend.”

“That’s what alcohol is for.”

“Which is why I came here with a bottle!”

He rolls his eyes at your joke, but a small smile creeps onto his face. “Well, thanks for that. Definitely made me feel better.”

“Well, you know what they say: ‘Alcohol is technically a solution.’” You laugh at your own remark before turning a little more serious. “Do you want me to go though? Because I can if you want.”

He shakes his head. Even though he’s known you for ten minutes, he admittedly feels more relieved knowing that he has someone by his side. “It’s alright. Did you come here alone?”

“Yeah. Jeongin invited me, but I haven’t seen him yet,” you sigh. “I guess we’re kind of in the same boat. I won’t ditch you if he suddenly decides to show up though.”

“Thanks. So, what should we do?”

“How about a drinking game?” you propose. You scan the room for a few seconds before subtly gesturing to a group playing beer pong. “Every time that team drinks, so do we.”

“Is that really a game though?” Hyunjin says. He spots Changbin playing on the team, and he’s heard of his legendary lack of skills. “Changbin is not good.”

“Every time he misses then.”

As expected, Changbin spectacularly misses on most of his turns. His opponents are somehow just as bad, which means the game is extended, and you and Hyunjin have polished off your bottles before the beer pong game ends. Hyunjin is a little tipsy and less reserved now, and you are even more excitable than before.

“Did you see that?” you gasp out in-between laughs. You hold onto Hyunjin’s arm to steady yourself. “He hit him in the face and the ball still went in!”

“They’re so bad they’re good,” Hyunjin says in disbelief. The next shot is missed, and he brings up his drink to his lips before remembering that he finished it just a minute ago. “Oh.”

You lean over, your arm pressing against his, and peer inside his bottle, seeing if it really is empty. “Wanna another one? They’ve got other stuff too.”

Your vanilla perfume tickles his nose, and your casual proximity makes him at a loss for words. “S-sure.”

You stand up first and offer him a hand. When he takes it, he doesn’t expect you to keep holding it and to lead you through the house. Occasionally you say hello to someone you know, and each person looks at Hyunjin with raised eyebrows when they see your hand intertwined with his. He feels his ears growing hot, and it’s not from the alcohol.

Every little thing you do is too easy and lighthearted, and Hyunjin can’t figure out if it’s you being you or if you’re more calculated than you appear.

“Hey,” you say, turning back to face him, “are you hungry? ‘Cause I’m gonna get chips, so do you want any?”

“You sure like to feed others,” he remarks as he follows you to a nearby table stacked high with refreshments. Modern vampirical displays of wealth appear to be towers of individually bagged chips and dozens of cases of beer.

You happily hum in acknowledgement and let go of his hand to dig through the pile of food. Hyunjin suddenly finds himself missing your touch, and he starts canvassing the selection of drinks to distract himself.

“Do you want the same thing?” he asks, spying a case of Christmas ale on his left.

“Yeah! What are you getting?”

“Same thing as well.”

You slide him a bag of chips, and Hyunjin notes that you managed to pick his favorite flavor for him. There are at least fifteen varieties available, so how did you get it right without asking? While he slowly eats his chips and ponders upon this — he comes to the conclusion that you just guessed and got lucky — you’re musing about the decorations, or lack thereof, you have seen at the party so far.

“No Christmas spirit,” you sigh, licking your fingers clean before washing them at the sink. “Hey, Hyunjin? You decorate for the holidays, right?”

“I have pinecones on my desk, if that counts.” Never mind that the pinecones are there year round.

“I guess pinecones are better than nothing,” you frown.

“Let me guess, your entire room is decked out with lights and stuff.”

“Of course! It’s very festive and cozy.”

Hyunjin is about to comment something about you and your jovialness when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He checks his notifications, and his friend has finally returned his messages, apologizing for not replying earlier and saying that she’s in the living room now.

“My friend’s here now, so you’re free to go, I guess.”

You smile up at him, but Hyunjin can’t help but notice that it looks a little less bright than your previous ones. “It was nice hanging with you. See you around?”

“Yeah. See you.”

The two of you head for the kitchen door, making each other laugh as you bump into each other. Hyunjin lets you walk ahead, and he’s following you out the kitchen this time instead of into.

“Okay,” you say, looking back at him, “this is the real ‘see—’”

In your attempt to give him a final goodbye, you trip over someone’s discarded sweater as you walk away. Hyunjin’s instincts react before his brain, and he reaches out to grab you only to miss and stumble into you. Luckily, neither of you fall over, but the two of you are standing directly in front of each other, chest to chest.

Hyunjin steadies himself and yourself by grabbing onto your arms. “You okay?” he whispers when he notices that you’re a little shaken up by it.

You nod and a few seconds later, you’re back to your sunny state. “That could have been really bad. Wow. Thanks for trying to… catch me?”

“Yeah. Wolf instincts and stuff.”

You step out of his grasp and flash him another smile. “Okay. This is the real, real ‘see you.’”

“See you around, Y/N.”

However, you are only able to take two steps before being abruptly stopped by an invisible barrier. When you look up and sigh, Hyunjin follows your gaze and sees a familiar green plant hanging from the ceiling. His face burns as he remembers what the couple earlier had to do to be freed.

“Is it okay…” you quietly say.

You don’t need to finish your sentence since Hyunjin knows exactly what you’re asking permission for. “Yeah.”

Almost hesitantly, you stand on your tiptoes and balance yourself by holding his shoulders. Hyunjin begins to tremble when he sees your face get nearer and nearer. He closes his eyes in panic. He can smell your perfume again. He’s only known you for a short amount of time, but vanilla, sweet and inviting, matches your personality perfectly. Your warm breath brushes against his skin, and he waits for the sensation of your lips on his.

Needless to say, he’s vastly disappointed when you kiss his cheek instead. He opens his eyes the same time you let go of him.

“Sorry,” you quickly say, uncharacteristically shy. “I hope that wasn’t too weird.”

Hyunjin shakes his head and reassures, “No! Don’t worry about it! So, this is the real, real, real ‘see you?’”

“Yeah,” you laugh, timidness gone and replaced with a bit melancholy.

You try to leave again, but the barrier is still there. You frown and rap your knuckles against it like you can shatter it like thin glass.

“It has to be on the mouth!” someone nearby shouts. “It won’t let you go if it’s a cheek kiss.”

“The universe really wants us to stay together,” you remark as you turn around to face Hyunjin again. “You don’t have to do this if you’re not okay with it. There's probably a warlock or witch here who can break the enchantment, so we just have to find—”

“I don’t mind.”

He doesn’t miss the small, pleased smile on your face. “O-okay.”

Hyunjin leans down for you, so all you have to do is tilt your chin upwards. It’s even more nerve wracking this time, especially since the roles have switched and he’s the one making the move. He gently cradles your face and closes the gap.

There’s no electrifying jolt like the movies promised but instead a rosy feeling that warms him from inside and out. It’s not magic, but it sure feels like it. The warmth starts from where your lips touch his, and it spreads throughout his body. You pull away first, absentmindedly tucking your hair behind your ears again. The kiss itself is only a little more than a quick peck, but it’s enough for Hyunjin.

“It worked,” you tell him, demonstrating that the barrier is gone by waving your arm at the spot where it previously was. “Alright then, I guess this is the final ‘see you.’”

You start to head off, but Hyunjin touches your arm, making you pause and turn around.

“Can I get your number?” he quickly asks before he changes his mind. “To make sure we really do see each other again?”

“With the ways things have been tonight, I think it’s gonna happen anyway.” Nevertheless, you hold out your phone to him. “Here. I want yours as well.”

The two of you exchange numbers and go your separate ways for the night. Though he’s having a good time with his friend, catching up after finals week and making winter break plans, he misses being around you. He spots you chatting with Jeongin and Changbin, and you flash him a smile when you notice him staring, but you make no move to join him and neither does he. However, the next morning, Hyunjin wakes up to a new text message from you.

[10:29 AM] L/N Y/N: so when can i see you again?

~ ad.gray

Happy holidays to you all!

[fantasysamsclub]

so the adventure zone was recently picked up for an animated series.

hooray! good for the mcelroys. i’m glad they’re getting more mainstream. i’m glad they’re able to financially support themselves and their family with this fame. i’m glad taz has a chance to get new fans! i’m glad fans get to see some of the most iconic balance moments animated!

i also think it’s a monstrously bad idea.

(this is long and this may seem pretty mean and radical, but please read before fighting me on any of this. also this isn’t an attack on anyone that’s excited for any of this adaptation stuff! it’s good to be excited for this success. but also there are some things to consider.)

okay! so, up front: i think the taz animated series is a bad idea. i also think, retrospectively, the graphic novel was a bad idea. also i think the vox machina origins comic and animated series are bad ideas.

okay so this is going to get. a little long and rambly. but i’ll try to keep it organized.

1. TAZ Graphic Novel

now, when the first book was announced, i was excited! i’m still excited for the next one. aside from the blue/green elves thing, which i won’t ever forgive, carey’s doing a great job adapting this piece. i’ve met her before and she generally does know what she’s talking about, comics-wise, so i do think she was a very good choice to pick up the graphic novel

there are still problems! oh, are there problems. for example, i think everyone in the novel is characterized in a wildly different way than the original podcast. i can also get into this later if people want to hear about it, but! people have picked at that one before.

out of all the adaptations i’m going to talk about, this one is the best!

2. Vox Machina Origins

alright. context. i don’t know if i’ve said this on this platform before, but i’m a comic book artist (my big project is coming out this year, i’ll announce it on here, that’s not the point of this rant). and i bought the comic on a whim! it was a christmas present to me.

now, i know a lot of people read it and enjoyed it! and that’s great. i’m happy you got joy out of the book, really. i think every piece of art means something to someone, no matter its popularity or quality. and it did well, as far as i know! so that’s very good for CR and its fans. also i think pike is hot.

all that aside, the comic does suck very much.

i could go into a deep analysis of it (i CAN, if enough people actually want to see that?) but tldr: it’s rushed, both in production and story pacing. the character art is good! but you can see the shortcuts. the lettering is. awful. (that’s mostly a problem of modern comics in general though)

and i’m not blaming anyone at CR for these problems! really, if dark horse wants to pick up an adaptation, any writers from the original project should be heavily coached on how to write for a new medium. i’m not blaming matthew for that one! i know from firsthand experience that comic writing is different from anything else you will ever write, and is so difficult to get correct. as far as i knew, matt had never written for comics before! it would be really nice if he had some more resources to get this done right.

but that would cost money.

and that brings me to--

3. The Vox Machina Animated Series

wow! look at all that money everyone raised for this animated series. this animated series that the creators said they were raising money for so they could do it independently. hope they don’t go pitch it to a bigger company to do m--

and, it was sold to Amazon.

like, it didn’t even take them a month.

and in the current climate of how animation is bought and sold, i understand the need to sell it to a streaming service! you need a platform to let people view it, and youtube is in the shitter with its copyright stuff lately, so it makes sense to go private to keep your show safe. and then, you can maybe make more episodes after you run out of kickstarter money. i don’t hate that idea!

but amazon...hm.

it’s probably fine, right?

3.5. Wendy’s

haha remember when CR got sponsored by wendy’s and played their shitty rpg that wasn’t even balanced properly and then people called them out for it and then they donated all the money to a cause wendy’s hated to make up for it (good on them!) and then deleted the VOD off youtube? gosh, good times.

money makes people do strange things.

4. TAZ Animated Series

so, peacock has taz. sure! that works. it’s not the best company to pick this up, but it’s also not the worst. i’ll take that. i looked up the guy that’s slated to direct this and i don’t think he’s ever directed an animated show? which isn’t great, but that’s not what i’m worried about.

you know what i am worried about?

these big corporations don’t care if these adaptations are any good. they just want to cram as many iconic moments from your quirky, small-owned d&d podcasts to get you to give them money. for the mcelroys and the CR crew, it’s a passion project. to amazon and dark horse and NBC, it’s an investment.

you’re going to buy the book to see vax and vex bicker!

you’re going to tune in to watch magic brian!

you’re going to want to read pike meeting scanlan, of course!

you want to see “phantasmal and resplendent” animated!

here’s the other thing. when i see people talking about the animated series, this is exactly what they’re looking for.

“i want to watch merle dirty talk the plants on screen!”

“i want to see the taakitz date!”

“i want to see magnus do the julia scene...”

now, this mindset isn’t bad! no, if you’ve been thinking this, that’s okay! it’s really not my personal thought (i think adaptations are best when they DO change things in the story to better fit the new medium they’re going on) but it’s fine.

we might get tom arnold!

but you know what we’re not going to get?

we’re not going to get apologies and revisions when something goes wrong. we’re not going to get cute extra scenes because that would require more writing. we’re not going to get the same respect for the LGBTQ+ characters on screen. the people working on this show will not get paid what they’re worth.

we’re probably not going to get a trans actress for lup.

we’re probably going to see less of carey and killain.

we’re probably going to see even fewer black and brown characters than we already have.

why’s that?

because it’s a money project. they’re doing it for money. and they want to reach as wide of an audience as possible, right? “really, we need to cut back on this gay stuff so that straight people aren’t uncomfortable. we need to stay more moderate on this project so that more people will watch it!”

(that was sarcasm)

now, NBC has had some good shows! but that’s really the responsibility of their individual writers, and it’s usually in spite of the companies they work for, and not because of them.

once an author or an artist sells their project to a company for adaptation, they often lose all rights to input from it. i don’t know what the mcelroy’s or CR’s contracts are, but unless they have better lawyers than NBC or amazon.....they probably got shafted somehow.

it’s not a mcelroy product. it’s not a CR product. don’t pretend like it is.

you can enjoy it, but please be cautious. this is just a pile of money in a cheap taako costume. don’t trust it as much as you would the podcast.

tldr: individual creators are always going to make more genuine content than corporations that buy those creations for larger adaptations. it’s okay to enjoy these adaptations, but please be aware that it’s not going to have the same spirit or heart as the boys talking about masturbation on a filler show they did quickly so justin could go support his wife in labor.

[blarfkey]

director’s cut, director’s choice of ⭐️Dear Fen’Harel⭐️? (Though generally speaking, I’m intensely curious as to how you develop characters because everyone you write is so brilliantly layered)

So um, this exploded. And I apologize. I am very much a character-driven writer versus a plot-driver writer. Also, how I develop characters is not a process I think about, it just happens, so this is also me finding out for myself how my own brain works, haha. If you want the full fucking three page essay this turned into, there’s more under the cut.

If not, and I don’t blame you, TLDR: I break a canon character down to their parts based on what I see in-game, I look at how their personal quest affects them, and I try to find a modern day equivalent to that. Each character has an issue they need to get past and I create situations to challenge those issues. And Ellana was created to be a foil for Solas and I dumped all my negative traits into her because neither she nor I can afford therapy so this is our best bet.

First of all, developing characters in fanfic is different than OC characters because I have a pre-set personality to work with rather than making someone from scratch. So for this, Ellana’s development is different from the rest of the cast.

For fanfic characters, obviously I look at the source material and see how they’ve reacted to certain situations and what they have canonically expressed about themselves in both deed and word. Honestly, I pay more attention to what they have DONE versus what they have SAID because a lot of characters tend to fool themselves into thinking they’re one way when they’re not (here’s looking at you, Solas).

Because DF is a modern AU, I take what I have seen in Canon (which is a lot because Bioware is very good at giving so much material to work with having all those different dialogue trees) and I apply it to the Modern Day. Some characters fit very easily – Dorian was made for Academia. Krem seems a more modern character anyway with how he constantly roasts Iron Bull. Josephine’s prowess in DA:I translates very easily to political science. Varric kind of has a modern writer’s career anyway.

Some are not easy – Solas is actually super hard for me to write in DF than he is in Thick as Thieves because so much of his characterization, his world views, his prejudices, are rooted in the fact that he is an ancient being out of time – which is impossible to have in this AU. I have crafted a sort of back story for him that might explain some things later, but it’s flimsy at best, haha.

So I’ve had to really look at what Solas is like in Inquisition when he’s pretending to be a “normal” hedge mage hermit from nowhere and how he behaves in his romance and extract from that. Solas is a nerd, he’s socially awkward from self-imposed isolation, he constantly struggles with what he wants and what is the morally correct thing to do and the temptation to be loved usually wins out over his convictions until the last second when he gets his common sense back and ruins everything.

It helps that in both DA and DF Solas is keeping a massive, massive secret from the Inquisitor about his identity that will shift the power balance between the two, so I’ve used that to guide me when I’m unsure. He still feels off to me, but it’s whatever at this point, lol. I did my best.

Once I’ve boiled a character down to their usual traits, I figure out how I’m going to have them grow throughout the fic and use their growth to help Ellana’s growth. I try to pull from their personal quests as much as I can, when I can get it to fit.

Some people, like Iron Bull, are static because they’ve already gone through their journey and have reached acceptance. I didn’t really know how to work his Leaving the Qun story line in the modern day, since it is tied so closely with war and potentially killing the Chargers, so by the time Ellana meets him, he has already left the Qun and made his peace with it. I use his static nature to help guide Ellana when she’s conflicted about her identity.

Some people, like Josephine, have personal quests that don’t fit with a modern era but I want to show them grow anyway, so I create something else for them. Right now, Josephine is mired in family drama and trying to figure out how to balance shouldering the weight of her responsibilities to her family with being her own person. That I drew from my own personal experience with being the only sane person in my family with their shit together, haha.

Or Cassandra, who is definitely NOT going to be Divine here, lol. So instead she gets to struggle with her art and how she can express herself in a way that leaves her vulnerable to scrutiny and yet can be so freeing.

Some people, like Krem, get a character arc that I think should have been explored but never was. Krem being trans is something that’s mentioned and talked about a little and never explored. I mean, he’s not a main character, so I get it. And I liked that Being Trans wasn’t his entire character. But there was no way to put him in the modern AU without his trans identity impacting some of his story and growth, even if he had already made his peace with it.

Now, I will say this upfront: I am not trans, and I haven’t had the opportunity to be close friends with a trans person, but I have done a lot of research on what trans people have said about their own experiences, and combined this with other research I’ve done over the years with other minorities and tried to put together what could be lingering insecurities for him and how he could overcome them.

I’m  definitely not saying that I’ve done this perfectly and I’m always open to any trans reader who would give me correction, but being trans was not an aspect of Krem’s character that I wanted to ignore just because I wasn’t familiar with it.

I will say that his romance with Josephine was Not Planned. It just kinda happened and I happily ran with it, haha.

Varric’s arc with Bianca is just wishful thinking because I hate her so so much and Bioware just dropped that bomb in Varric’s lap and then just lets him keep holding on to it and it’s bullshit.

The other character journeys are just ways to explore vulnerability in them that I didn’t think got enough attention in the game or I think they could realistically have even if it wasn’t in canon. Like Dorian dealing with his father. Now, in the game, Halward doesn’t have a disease and he dies unexpectedly. But I wanted Dorian to have a realistic reason why he would reach other to his estranged father in this AU and a ticking countdown to an inevitable death seemed right.

Now we get to see Dorian really struggle with this new-found connection with his father that he always wanted to have and now it’s temporary and heartbreak is inevitable and is it still worth it to him? I think Dorian has similar feelings in Trespasser when he found out his father was murdered because he still invested himself to rebuild a lost connection, only to lose it so soon after.

Zevran’s past with the Crows is also something that I really wanted to explore because in the game he is sad for a hot second and then moves on with the Warden and his newfound goal of destroying the entire Crow organization. So I wanted to see Zevran struggle with his inner worth, the fact that he can’t hide forever and his past puts his loved ones in danger, the fact that he can even HAVE loved ones and how it scares the shit out of him.  I wanted to have a character who puts on such a good front about not giving a shit about anything to hide how very deeply afraid he is. We are going to see more of this also before the story is over, lol.

Now, Ellana. Like all original characters, Ellana has a lot my personal experiences tied in her. But I originally created Ellana to fill a need for a type of character that I wanted to see with Solas and don’t really get to. I mean, I have not scourged the corners of the internet to find it so I’m sure there are other characters like her, but I haven’t found very many.

I see a lot of very beautiful, very delicate and feminine, very kind and gentle Disney Princess kind of Lavellans. I see a LOT of them. And I don’t hate that necessarily. I mean, Josephine is all of those things and more and I adore her and I sort of crack ship her with Solas anyway, in the secret recesses of my heart. And I love seeing a female character who is the epitome of a “weak” female use those “weak” traits to succeed.

But I am also not very beautiful, I am NOT delicate at all, I’m not gentle. I am not anywhere close to a Disney Princess or a Josephine. And it was disheartening to see Solas romance all these Ocs that were nothing like me after a while because it kind of gave me the message that someone like Solas, a character that I admire and def have a fictional crush on, would never want someone who looks like me or acts like me. That even with unlimited freedom in creating a romantic counterpart for him, I saw so much of what society already reinforces as an ideal that I will never match up to. It doesn’t help that Bioware’s body diversity for elves ranges is nonexistent.

So I made Ellana for me. Not because I want to hate on other Ocs or prove that mine is superior, but so that I would have something that I connected to. And I wanted to explore a dynamic with Solas that I didn’t get to see very often.

So when I first imagined Ellana, I wanted her to be strong and tall and muscular and powerful in a way that makes a lot of unenlightened men uncomfortable. I wanted somebody used to manual labor and dirt and the outdoors and solving problems with their fists and just totally unrefined because I wanted her to be the complete opposite of Solas. (So like Cassandra but in elf form, haha).

I did not want her to be soft or conventionally attractive at all. Ellana doesn’t shun femininity, because I don’t think femininity is inherently wrong, but she is uncomfortable with it and she doesn’t indulge in it.

(Just FYI I am NOT built like Ellana at all either, haha. This is the wish fulfillment part of the OC. I greatly resemble the dwarves, which is why I love them so much.)

But I also needed her to have a reason to leave home, and to have some points of commonality with Solas, so I made her a nerd. A jocky nerd who is insatiably curious and stubbornly independent. And then because I wanted Ellana to feel like a real person instead just a wish fulfillment fantasy, I needed her to grow. So I gave her all my complicated anger issues, my bluntness, my struggles with homesickness, the way I compartmentalize negative events in my life so I don’t have to deal with them just so they can bite me in the ass later, my experiences of going from a lifestyle where all my needs were met and I was oblivious to how great I had it to living with serious poverty for the first time.

And then I devised situations with her life and the other characters where Ellana has to confront these issues and learn to accept them and either move past them or learn to control them. Sometime she gains wisdom and imparts it to people like Sera or Dorian when their struggles come up. And her biggest challenge has yet to arrive, so she’s still cooking, so to speak. Ellana still has a long way to go before she really reaches maturity.

As far as her relationship with Solas goes, I wanted her to challenge him and give him a total upheaval everything he thought he knew about his own culture and his own self. And I wanted him to do the same for her. And then when all the pieces are done falling, they have grown into two people who can handle being together.

So that’s basically it. If there is any character in particular you want to know more about or why I made certain decisions, always feel free to ask!

[madamebaggio]

Notes: SMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!

This is the next chapter on my Gretel x Nuada modern AU. Previous chapter is here, and you can find everything on my AO3 account.

Seriously, guys, this is pure smut. Not safe to read around other people.

I hope you enjoy it.

****

Chapter 3

This time around, Gretel was feeling even more confused. She wished she knew what was wrong with her. 

She wouldn’t even consider Nuada’s motive. He might be an immortal elf or whatever, but he still had a cock. She wasn’t shocked he was going around looking for hookups, but she was shocked at herself for falling for it, not once, but twice!

Where was her self respect? 

Was he a great fuck? Yeah. 

Did it justify all of this? Hell no.

It was really appalling that she was acting like this.

Gretel enjoyed sex as much as the next person, but there were some lines that shouldn’t be crossed. Fucking a -supposedly- former megalomaniac who’d planned on world destruction was a huge fucking line! And she didn’t just cross it. Oh no! She skipped happily across it.

This was so problematic.

And she couldn’t even blame it on a tendency to like bad boys because of lingering daddy issues. Exactly because she’d spent years believing her father had plain abandoned her and her brother, she only got involved with the sweetest men she could meet. Sure, they bored the hell out of her eventually, but at least they didn’t break her heart.

She had no idea what she was doing.

So she did what any normal, mature adult would; she pretended everything was alright and worked.

Which meant going to meetings.

If there was one thing that made her truly believe that hell existed, it was the existence of meetings. Only the Devil could be so cruel as to create something like this.

However, today… There was something extra.

Gretel mused at it while she sat there, pretending she was listening to Agent Something. It wasn’t Nuada; he was as cool as cucumber, and he didn’t even make eye contact with her.

Hansel was fine, sitting between Mina and Abe. There was Nuala...

Nuala, who was making a real effort to avoid Gretel’s eyes. And, taking in consideration how polite and friendly the princess was most of the time, Gretel was instantly in alert.

Then Nuada said something and Nuala focused even harder on the floor, making Gretel understand exactly what was going on.

She’d waited until the meeting was over then dragged Nuala to the closest restroom. “You know!” She hissed.

To her credit, Nuala didn’t even try to deny it. Although, with her expression, it was useless to even try. “It’s not as if I’ve sought the knowledge.” Nuala replied on that overly formal and prim way she had.

Gretel hadn’t thought Nuala wanted to know what her brother was up to, but anyway… “It makes no fucking difference.” She covered her face with her hands. “Oh my god.”

“I am sorry.” Nuala cringed.

Gretel sighed. “It’s not your fault, but…” She groaned. “It’s still uncomfortable.”

Nuala gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Does he know you know?”

“Of course he does. We just act like we don’t.” Nuala told her. “It’s the same he does for me and Abe.”

Gretel cringed in sympathy. She couldn’t imagine having that kind of intimate knowledge regarding her brother.

“Are you alright?” Nuala asked her carefully.

“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Nuala sighed. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Let’s go with your policy with your brother and pretend we never discussed this.” Gretel asked.

“We can do that.” Nuala agreed quickly, then paused “It’s just…”

“No.”

“I’m not supposed to say that, but…”

“Then, please, don’t say it!” Gretel hurried to press. “Please.”

Nuala sighed. “You’re right. It wouldn’t be right.”

Was there anything right in this situation?

***

Gretel had had horrible nights before, but this…

She knew their work was essential. Normal people couldn’t handle the supernatural; they thought they could and that they wanted to… But they didn’t, not really.

Some things were meant to be handled by the right people, and that was them. This was why she and Hansel had chosen to stick around the Bureau. They did what they could alone, but with more resources they could do more.

Tonight, it didn’t feel like they could’ve done anything.

Gretel already feared human terrorists, but those that came from the other side…

It must be even harder for Nuada, because until recently, he was their symbol; the spark that fired a desire for revolution.

And that was why today it had been so cruel to them all.

Nuada had to kill the leader of a terrorist group led by elves that -as he had once- wanted to make humans pay for how they destroyed their world. The elf that called him a traitor, claiming he was fighting the battle the prince had abandoned.

It couldn’t be pleasant to hear that, especially since Nuada wasn’t a part of the Bureau because he wanted to.

The mood of the whole team had been dark as they came back, and Nuada had left before the debriefing.

Nobody went after him to make him participate.

Gretel was going to take a hot shower and forget this night had ever existed.

She’d just kicked her shoes off when someone knocked on her door. She sighed but went to answer it. Nuada was on the other side. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked quite rudely, but her surprise made her forget her manners.

Nuada sighed. “I wish I knew the answer to that.”

Gretel gave him a flat look. “Go rest.” She didn’t have the energy for this fuckery.

She pushed the door, intending to close it, but Nuada held it open with his hand.

She glared at him, ready to tell him to fuck off, when he shocked the hell out of her. “I yield.”

“What?” Not the smartest reply but she was truly shocked.

“I’m yielding to you.” He explained unnecessarily.

“We aren’t fighting.” She pointed out.

He gave a meaningful look to the door between them, the one she was trying to close and he was holding open. She refused to accept that as fighting and her look made it quite clear.

Nuada mumbled something on his language. “I’m giving control over to you anyway.” A pause. “Only for now.”

Of course he’d put a limit to that. “What should I do with it?” She asked honestly, because this whole situation was bizarre.

“Whatever you want.”

There was this moment when they stared at each other, Gretel trying to understand his motives better and Nuada just letting her try it.

The more she looked at him the crazier this seemed, and she could probably fill up a notebook with all the reasons this was a very bad idea.

She stepped to the side. “Get in.”

He did and she closed the door behind him. “I’m taking a shower.” She gave him a look. “And so are you.”

He didn’t comment, just nodded and followed her from the small bedroom to the tiny bathroom.

They took off their clothes in a practical way, no seduction to it at all.

Gretel fiddled with the shower handle, more to distract herself and have time to think what the fuck she was doing.

The water was the only good feature of the Bureau compound. It had excellent pressure and it was piping hot, just the way she liked it.

Gretel stepped under the water, let it beat down on her. She felt the moment Nuada stepped in behind her.

“Wash my hair.” She ordered him, pointing at her shampoo. “No funny business.” She warned.

She was shocked to see him complying without any complaints, but he did exactly as she asked.

They didn’t exchange any words as he lathered her long hair, his long fingers massaging her scalp until she felt her shoulders sagging. She didn’t even need to point the conditioner to him.

Once he finished her hair, she told him to wash.For a while they were both two people sharing the same shower, just washing the day away.

Nuada was rinsing under the water when she stepped up to him and kissed him. His hands were -for the first time- hesitant, as he put them on her waist. She bit into his lower lip and he pushed her against the wall, his tongue pushing into her mouth.

Gretel pushed him a but. “Slow.” She ordered. “This time, slow.”

He growled at her, but when he kissed her, it was slower. Their kisses seemed deeper this way, with a punishing edge to it, even as their tongues tangled.

Her hand slipped down his torso, until she found his cock and closed her fingers around him, pumping slowly. Nuada’s fingers weren’t idle and found her cunt, working her until he could slip two fingers in.

Shower sex was always a bit of a challenge, but if there was one thing in which Gretel trusted was Nuada’s raw strength.

She hooked her left leg on his hip, encouraging him to just fuck her already. It took some maneuvering before he was able to slip in with a single thrust. Gretel was very satisfied with her non slip shower mat, now more than ever.

Their mouths remained fused as Nuada fucked her against the wall. She did have to stand on one leg and on her tiptoes for it, but she wasn’t complaining -maybe she would later.

At some point Nuada grabbed her other leg, bringing it to his waist as well, and Gretel groaned as both her feet left the ground. She squeezed him tight between her legs, her arms around his neck, his mouth to her throat. She felt as if he was hitting her so deep he might never find his way back out.

She let one of her arms slip from around his neck so she could play with her clit. Nuada watched the progress of her hand, then started fucking her harder. It didn’t take long for her to come, biting her lips so she wouldn’t call his name. He followed right after.

Nuada lowered her to the ground with a gentleness she didn’t think he had. Gretel once again stepped under the water, this time to clean up.

She stepped out of the shower and picked up a towel while Nuada washed himself, then passed another towel to him once he was also out.

Her legs were shaking, so she went to sit on her bed. She watched through the open door as he toweled himself dry, then dressed quickly and in silence.

Should she say something?

“You should get Mina to teach you the arts.” He said as he came into the room fully dressed.

She definitely wasn’t expecting that. “What?”

“You have talent; it’s raw and untapped.” He informed her, barely looking at him. Was he really telling her to study magic? “If you learn how to harness it, you’ll become a great asset.”

“Is that a compliment?” She asked him dryly.

He finally looked at her. “No. You haven’t done anything to deserve one yet.”

She scoffed. “Thank you for the advice.”

He opened his mouth, like he intended to say something else, before changing his mind. He gave her a stiff nod and left the room.

Gretel fell back on the bed. “What the hell?”

Should she talk to Mina?

[storiesofwildfire]

Guilty of Treason

          { closed starter for @fandralxthexstabulous }

♔—- Things went better than Loki could have hoped. Ridding Asgard of Odin after the Elves invaded had been a surprisingly simple task. The attack on Asgard, losing Frigga, and losing all control over Thor ( he would never believe Odin loved him enough to be impacted by the news of his own death, so he didn’t even count that as a possibility ) in one vicious swoop knocked Odin into a state that even the almighty All-father didn’t seem capable of pulling himself out of. It was almost sad, really, how long Odin had managed to keep him on a relatively short leash, only for him to truly crumble when the going got rough.

Complacency. That’s the only way Loki could explain what happened to a once-great conqueror. He’d grown old and complacent in his rule over Yggdrasil. So many years passed without a single person challenging his power that he truly tricked himself into believing that there was no one who could.

Even Asgard’s defenses hadn’t been kept up to par over the thousand years of peace, making it easy for the Dark Elves to not only invade but destroy half the realm in their process.

Taking up the role of Odin was... less desirable. Loki had a plan in mind for how he could eventually shed the Odin disguise and take the throne as himself, but it would take some clever work on his part and some time to build up a positive mentality and memory of the second prince of Asgard. So many of them seemed to forget everything Loki had done that positively impacted Asgard because of a few incidents that... well, Loki could explain rationally, but did he truly want to? Especially when it came to discussions of Thanos?

But unveiling himself would have to wait. Asgard needed a strong leader to help rebuild, to reset defenses and ensure they were actually functional this time around, and ensure the citizens were not only moving forward but working towards being happy again. His children needed to be freed from Odin’s prisons. Preparations needed to be made in the event that Thanos became an immediate threat. Eventually, he would come, and Asgard would be Yggdrasil's best hope of beating back the Mad Titan. So much needed to be sorted out and, unfortunately, that meant wearing Odin’s face longer than he wished.

One problem that needed to be dealt with in the swiftest manner, however, was in regard to those who helped Thor commit treason. In all fairness, Loki did owe them, as their treachery was the tool that ultimately led to his being freed of the dungeon, but Odin could not easily overlook such a thing. Three times Sif and the Warriors Three committed treason in Thor’s name. Running off to Jotunheim to face Laufey after Thor’s failed coronation, the four of them running off to Midgard to bring Thor home from banishment, and now this...

Odin had been lenient with them the first two times, shifting the blame onto Thor and Loki respectively, but Odin was not known for allowing rule breakers to roam free. He liked to present himself as a fair and just king and he fooled most people into believing in that persona, but he had never been shy about holding criminals accountable. Sif and the Warriors Three’s earlier treason had also caused extreme trouble for Loki his first time around on the throne, so dealing with them in a constructive manner seemed an important task. But what to do with them?

In truth, there was an extremely petty part of him that wished to throw the lot in prison. Well, not all of them. Each held a different level of respect and like in Loki’s eyes and Sif was definitely at the bottom of said list. Hogun wasn’t much higher purely because any time Sif said anything negative about Loki or insinuated something to be his fault, Hogun was right alongside her, agreeing and ready to condemn him on nothing more than his natural dislike for the younger prince. Seeing those two locked up in Asgard’s dungeon, even temporarily, would have been so incredibly sweet. Petty, true, but enjoyable nonetheless.

Volstagg had Loki’s sympathies more than any of them. While Volstagg did occasionally tease Loki, he was never truly unkind or cruel. Volstagg had a big heart and a massive brood of children and Loki identified with that paternal nature. A powerful warrior but often unable to deny his friends, it was loyalty and blind faith more than anything that often led Volstagg to actions with horrible repercussions. Taking Volstagg away from his children was something Loki couldn’t really bring himself to do. He knew what it was to have children, to love them, and to watch as they were ripped away and kept from his reach. He didn’t wish that on anyone, especially not a genuinely good man such as him.

And then there was Fandral... and Loki’s feelings for Fandral were very complex. Deep-rooted longing for the swordsman’s affections sprouted when they first met and never truly faded, but there were certain decisions and events that pushed a wedge between them and turned some of those feelings down a bitter path.

In the end, Loki went easy on Volstagg. No prison, no banishment. Instead, he was confined to his family’s estate so he could be with his wife and children, but he was still seen as receiving punishment for going against the king’s orders again. The other three? Banishment seemed the easiest way to deal with them. As much as part of Loki wished to hide Sif and Hogun away in the dungeons, imprisoning them while letting Fandral and Volstagg off easy wouldn’t reflect well on the king, so instead, they were separated and banished to various realms under the same understanding of Thor’s banishment. If they could prove themselves worthy of it, they could return home.

Fandral, as it turned out, was sent to Midgard. Loki chose Midgard purposefully because he knew that Fandral had lived on Midgard before. He managed to establish something of a life for himself there, so surely, he could do so again. It was Loki’s way of silently being lenient with the swordsman without making that leniency obvious.

Weeks passed after Loki’s sentencing. Volstagg confined to his home and the rest of them spread across the realms. Loki didn’t think much about any of them, truly. He had far too much sitting right in front of him to pay mind to. Wasting time thinking about people who probably didn’t even think about him seemed like a foolish way to spend energy or trains of thought.

It wasn’t until Loki truly started going through Fritjolf’s reports and files thoroughly that Loki’s attention pulled back to a certain blond swordsman currently restricted to Midgard. It wasn’t obvious straight away. Most of Fritjolf’s agents used aliases and codenames while working, even on the reports that they delivered to the spymaster, in order to protect themselves. They wouldn’t be very good spies if they didn’t protect their true identities. That didn’t bother Loki as he read through the reports. The intel was all he cared about; it didn’t really matter who obtained it...

Soon enough, though, Loki did pick up on a pattern of one particular agent. Multiple codenames showed up numerous times, often named after wildlife, but Fox managed to capture Loki’s attention. It took quite a bit of digging through records and timelines, but after a while, matching up Fox’s reports to areas and times Loki knew Fandral to be in said areas unveiled itself flawlessly. Even Fox’s current reports all came from Midgard, in a similar area around modern-day England...

Could Fandral truly be a spy? That would explain so much about the way things transpired between them and why Fandral always seemed to keep part of himself hidden from public view. Loki always wondered why Fandral acted so differently when they were alone...

Against better judgment, Loki decided to pay Fandral an unexpected visit. Revealing the truth of what he’d done to Odin and why was risky, to say the least, and leaving Asgard unattended also wasn’t the brightest idea, but Loki left a clone of Odin to sit upon the throne and had enough people in his council that he trusted to keep Asgard going for a few days while he slipped away. Gods, he could use a break anyway, and if things didn’t go well with Fandral, he could at least go and visit his son. Seeing Jor would brighten his mood, surely.

But he took to backward means of travel, deciding for the sake of time to open a small portal between realms that would let him step through to some abandoned farmland in England, just to ensure no one saw the process of magic. From there, a tracking spell would do nicely to lead Loki straight to the banished warrior and apparent spy. He did little to hide aside from shifting his attire to something passable for modern-day Midgard. A pair of dark, form-fitted trousers, a simple belt with gold detailing around the clasp, a light sweater in a lovely shade of green, and a jacket. He didn’t need so many layers, but it was cool this time of year and walking around in anything less would gain him some pretty odd looks.

His spell directed him towards a rather impressive and clearly old estate. It’d been kept up over the years. Clearly, there were people that cared deeply for this land, but why would Fandral be in a place like this? What had he gotten up to during his time on Midgard? Aside from literally being the legend of Robin Hood, that was?

‘Fandral?’ A simple spell that would deliver a message to a single person in the way of words forming in the air before them and then fading. Fandral used it to contact him a few times. ‘I’m outside your... home? But you probably already knew that if you were paying attention. Would you come and meet with me, please?’

He didn’t bother stating who he was. Asgard might have believed Loki was dead, but Fandral should have been familiar enough with his magic to know who was reaching out to him now.

[bluelovesstufff]

Favorite Bagginshield Fics I’ve Read/Currently Reading (in no particular order) Part 2/?:

It’s been a little over 6 months since I gushed Bagginshield fic rec and I decided a few weeks ago while reading my pile of bookmarks on AO3 that I need to post a new one. I have 33 fics below out of the 9,085 fics on Bagginshield’s AO3, so I’d recommend taking a look there as well for those I’ve missed. As always, buckle in boys. 

Part 1 Ask

^^ rating descends from G to E this time for organizational purposes! also, a lot of these are all complete because I have no patience and have to read an entire 100k fic in one sitting like a maniac.

** (to reiterate) are extra, extra favorites, but these are all absolutely incredible fics worth every second of your time.

Call You Home by northerntrash - 12k, rating: not rated, complete, hobbit culture, everyone lives nobody dies au, it’s all fluff folks, Thorin’s making puppy-eyes at the Burglar again, hobbits have a secret language (sign me up!)

Summary: In which the Company are entirely too nosy about matters that are supposed to be a secret, and Bilbo learns that being concerned about propriety is overrated when you could be making friends instead.

** Wasteful by northerntrash - 6k, rating: not rated, modern au, coffee shop au (squeeee), in which awkwardly staring does not make for good flirting, and you should probably just tell people when you are interested in them, fluff, author writes modern Thorin so goddamn well!

Summary: Bilbo just didn't understand; why would anyone come in every day, order cake, and then not eat it?

** Customary by an_odd_ducky - 3k, rating: G, fluff, hobbits rub noses as a greeting!, thorin is jealous!, Fili and Kili insist on learning!

Summary: Hobbits rub noses to greet each other - a fact the dwarves don't know until they arrive in Rivendell and Elrond greets a surprised Bilbo by rubbing their noses together. Some of the company find it quite amusing, but Thorin is less than pleased. Fluff! Fill for the Hobbit Kink Meme.

** Para Bellum by RyuzzaKochou - 4k, rating: G, complete, basically hobbits are secret kung fu masters, company bonding, humor.

Summary: Hobbits always survive; even where trained and experienced soldiers don't. Has no one ever wondered about this? Thorin and the Company learn that it takes more than luck to be small in a big world. OR - Bilbo has unexpected skills and Thorin finds he likes them.

Silly Trinkets by The Feels Whale (miscellea) - 16k, rating: G, complete, fem!Bilbo, Thorin has no game, lies of omission, part of a two part series.

Summary: There are no words adequate to describe the Last Homely House or the wonders of Lord Elrond’s hospitality, which seems impossible to strain even under the burden of thirteen empty dwarfish stomachs and their even more trying attitudes.

Having played hostess to those same stomachs in her time, Briar is duly impressed and endeavors to add to the burden as little as possible. This is made somewhat more difficult by the fact that elves, apparently, are better able to differentiate between hobbit gentlemen and hobbit ladies that dwarves seem to be. A fact Briar learned when Lord Elrond pulled her to one side after their meal and put her into the hands of his daughter and her women with a gentle smile.

Briar feels that she probably owes him a swift kick in the shins for that.

You Got Me by drunkonwriting - 19k, rating: G, complete, dwarf culture & customs, everyone loves Bilbo and gives him shit, fluff, everybody lives nobody dies au.

Summary: The Company shows their affection for Bilbo in accordance with dwarvish tradition. Bilbo... has no idea why everyone keeps giving him gifts.

Comes Around Again by scarletjedi - 205k, rating: T, complete, a fandom favorite obviously, Gimli and Legolas are the main pairing, lovely art!, time travel fix-it, established relationship.

Summary: Gimli closes his eyes, an old Dwarf on the brink of death in the home he had built with his husband in the Undying Lands, and opens them again as a young Dwarf in his childhood home in Ered Luin. He's returned to the tumultuous week before The Company set out to recruit their Burglar from his cosy hobbit hole. Gimli, once again a impetuous teen in the eyes of his family, must get into that Company--the lives of his loved ones, and the very fate of Middle Earth--depends on it.

** A Dragon’s Tale by vtforpedro - 132k, rating: T, complete, canon divergence au, dragon Bilbo, timeline? what timeline?, Bilbo is so Done (same), Thorin is an Idiot, emotionally constipated Thorin (my favorite, jk), everyone is dramatic, lore? what lore?, minor character death, minor war violence, minor ring influence.

Summary: Bilbo Baggins has been a hobbit for many long years and he should very much like to keep it that way, thank you very much.

An old friend drops by Bag End with the offer of an adventure and despite Bilbo's refusal, the idea of only thirteen dwarves and a wizard facing a dragon may just convince him yet. After all, he has experience with the Great Dragons of the North. Once upon a time, he was one.

An Eye For Quality by Linelen (Linelenagain) - 85k, rating: T, complete, fem!Bilbo, au canon divergence, wonky timeline, family by choice, crazy courtship rituals (we love a good courtship).

Summary: Fíli lived his life by an old dwarven proverb: when a fool drops a treasure, a wise man picks it up (it sounded better in the original khuzdul).Bella Baggins never quite fit in the Shire. Perhaps she was made for the mountains, instead.

** A Shot in the Dark by Silver_pup - 213k, rating: T: complete, I read anything this author writes basically, time travel (I love this trope), fix-it fic, au, bamf!Bilbo, bamf!Dwarves, Bilbo is determined to save everyone, friends to lovers, eventual happy ending.

Summary:  When he opens his eyes again, he finds himself in his old bed in his old home in his old body. Is this death? Or a trick of magic? Either way, Bilbo recognizes a second chance when he sees one, and this time his adventure with Thorin is going to go a bit differently.

** Flowers and Ice by BlackSmile - 54k, rating: T, complete, fem!Bilbo, frozen au (she has gloves, I repeat, Bella has to conceal don’t feel), some angst, author blames tumblr, no ring au.

Summary: Thorin wasn't really impressed with the idea to hire a burglar for their quest. He was even less impressed when he found out this burglar was a Hobbit. And all his hopes were lost when he found out their burglar was a woman. But still he can't help himself but to feel a bit attracted to this damned sweet Hobbit. Just why does she have to be so stubborn? And why does she wear gloves all the time anyway?

** Flowers of Yavanna by SOABA - 22k, rating: T, complete, overprotective dwarves, dwobbits!, fem!Bilbo, post BotFA, magic, families of choice, assassination attempts, Bilbo remains in Erebor au, cabbage patch hobbits (yesss)

Summary: Because the belief that Hobbits grew their babies in a cabbage patch had to come from somewhere.“What’s on your wrist, Bella?” Tauriel asked from her place at the dining table when Bél walked past her, nodding toward Bella’s right side.

Bella frowned and looked down at her right hand and then her mouth fell open in shock. Printed on the inside of her wrist, directly underneath her palm, plain as daylight, was a circlet of lily-shaped blossoms connected by an emerald green vine.

lay down your sweet and weary head by Elenothar - 125k, rating: T, complete, very slow burn, more pining pre-slash actually, time travel (again, a gift to this fandom because BotFA broke all of us), fix it yet not really fix-it it’s complicated, durin family, thorin-centric.

Summary: Thorin dies. Thorin wakes up. He is understandably confused by this, especially since he appears to be in the Erebor he knew as a young dwarf, about to be attacked by a dragon.A time-travel fic with Thorin as the one living his life twice.

The Nine Lives of Bilbo Baggins by captain (theoddoodisnude) - 15k, rating: T, complete, community: hobbit_kink, AU (sort of), multiple temporary character deaths, slightly gory, descriptions of death and dying, THERE’S A HAPPY ENDING FOLKS.

Summary: He's not scared, but rather resigned. He doesn't want to die, not when he knows that it will be permanent, but he doesn't regret his actions. He's died many times on this journey; first for his Company, and then for people he could proudly call friends, who then turned into family.

And now Bilbo will die for them again.

For the first time in his life, he will also die for love.

Nugel (Flower of all Flowers) by aquileaofthelonelymountain - 2k, rating: T, complete, post BotFA, everybody lives nobody dies au, fluff, flower language.

Summary: Recently, Bilbo seems distracted, even unhappy. But what Thorin interprets as homesickness is something different. And although Bilbo knows very well why he feels so strangely out of place, he lacks the courage to tell Thorin. It's only good that even dwarves know a thing or two about flowers...

** A Passion for Mushrooms by Chrononautical - 90k, rating: T, complete, all the dwarves, dwarf culture and customs, cultural differences, gift giving, language of flowers, flower crowns, everyone lives nobody dies au, Bilbo remains in Erebor au, slow burn, need I say more folks?

Summary: There are many trials for a hobbit attempting to make a life among dwarves. A hobbit wants a garden. A hobbit wants to eat regular meals. A hobbit wants friends, good books, and comfortable chairs. Bilbo does his best to carve out a little hobbit life for himself in the mountain. If only there were not one final obstacle. For a hobbit heart wants love, and among dwarves that is a sticky subject.

"Hobbits have a passion for mushrooms, surpassing even the greediest likings of Big People." - The Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R. Tolkien

** Plaits and Weaves by ArgentAconit - 53k, rating: T, complete, braids, hobbit culture, dwarf culture, fluff, listen Bilbo goes through most of the company and gives them each Hobbit worthy braids (??? that’s fucking adorable bro), grooming, cultural differences, Thorin is jealous (big surprise), sort of a fix it.

Summary: Bilbo misses home, he misses his armchair and his books, but right now he misses his kitchen the most. If only he had something to keep his hands busy, he wouldn't so dearly wish he could turn back and delay their quest even more.

Fili is the first to take notice how restless he is, and quickly comes up with a solution. Bilbo, of course, doesn't seem to understand what he is being asked and how it would affect the company over the course of their journey. Or how it would affect one Thorin Oakenshield.

Raven: An Unexpected Adventure by Aerlinniel722 - 165k, rating: T, 32/? chapters completed, fem!Bilbo, everyone lives nobody dies au, post BotFA, overprotective dwarves, family feels, there’s a MINI, female dwobbit Thorin and you expect me not to read it, as if, Bilba really struggles in this one folks.

Summary: After the Battle of Five Armies, Bilba Baggins fled Erebor and her new King in disgrace with a secret. Fifteen years later, when Dís swears she sees a hobbit who looked like her brother… well, perhaps a certain burglar isn't as dead as it was initially assumed.

** Recovery, Redemption, and Romance by Moonbeam - 118k, rating: T, complete, Bilbo is a surprise healer, injured Thorin, rebuilding Erebor, Bilbo is awesome, Thorin is smitten, Dwarves are amused and sneaky, gifts and courting, slow build. everyone lives nobody dies au, developing relationship.

Summary: When Thorin is injured in the Battle of the Five Armies, Bilbo surprises everyone with his healing abilities.

Then as Erebor starts to rebuild he continues to surprise people with his knowledge and skills. On top of everything else that is occurring there is a dwarf king and a hobbit who might be trying to court one another without the other knowing - while their companions are either helpful or confusingly gleeful.

An Unexpected Proposal by Earenial - 100k, rating: T, complete, romance, character study, oblivious!Bilbo, frustrated!Thorin, Kili is a flirt, Bilbo-centric, fic follows (most of) the canon events of the book ( = no hug on Carrock), slow Austen-type romance, slow burn.

Summary: As Bilbo sat smoking in his empty hobbit hole, he couldn’t help but wonder – when did his life become so boring? Or better yet – when did his old life stop being enough?

He suspected the answer to that question lay somewhere around the time when he had refused Thorin Oakenshield’s offer of marriage.

** Feathers that Flutter and Fly by orphan_account :( - 14k, rating: M, complete, wing!verse, Bilbo’s wings are beautiful and I’m in love with wing fics sue me.

Summary: The Shire is taken by Orcs, ravaged and destroyed but Bilbo, who is still very young, managed to escape. He runs, travelling through Middle Earth until he reaches Erebor, where Thorin finds him, cold and starving.

Good Morning by Luckyhai5 - 57k, rating: M, complete, fem!Bilbo, major character death warning, imprisonment, PTSD, it’s really a nice story I swear, it has a happy ending.

Summary: There was a strange, tall man walking up the path. Bilbo recognised him, of course; how could one forget that tall, grey silhouette now making its way up towards her? Gandalf.

AU. What if Bilbo had already left the Shire once before? What if she had seen things she could never forget, and lived through things she couldn't speak of? In this world, Bilbo has a secret, a secret waiting for her in Rivendell, a secret that has changed, and will change, everything...

A Home for my Heart by Moonrose91 - 54k, rating: M, complete, social isolation, character death, miscarriages, infant death, barrenness, body shaming, bullying, mention of mpreg, Erebor Never Fell au, smashing of timelines, canon what canon?, slow build.

Summary: For things Bilbo could not change, he was condemned to a life of isolation, with the belief that none could love him. And then a Dwarf came to Hobbiton.

** Hurricanes in Hertford, Hereford, and Hampshire by 61Below - 126k, rating: M, complete, fem!Bilbo, post BotFA, pregnancy!, language barriers!, cultural misunderstandings!, durin family feels, tbh if Dís is in it I’m in love, ALSO author pictured Bilbo as Margret Hale from North and South??? that’s beautiful.

Summary: Bilbo was banished. That's it, the end. She wants nothing more to do with dwarves. Now all she needs to do is get back home, but there may be some complications along the way.

** The Oak and The Ash by sunryder - 67k, rating: M, complete, timeline? what timeline?, au sentinels and guides, sentinel/guide bonding (I love this idea of sentinels and guides, it’s like soulmates but more intricate?? and better almost?? read it, it’s fantastic).

Summary: Bilbo Baggins was not a particularly talented Guide. He knew that. His family knew that. Every last Hobbit in the four Farthings and Bree knew that.

But that meant nothing when one morning an agony that wasn’t Bilbo’s ripped right through him, dropping him to his knees with a scream. Wrapped up in the pain there was a presence. Someone fierce and determined, nestling himself in the blank space in Bilbo’s mind for the barest of moments before he slipped away. It was like fingertips brushing across the outside fringe of his soul, and Bilbo wanted it back. Wanted him back.

And so help him, Bilbo was going to find him. His Sentinel.

Something Blue by Lapin - 34k, rating: M, complete, fake relationship (ayyyyyy) au canon divergence, politics, gardens & gardening.

Summary: Thorin marries Bilbo after the Battle of Five Armies, a marriage of convenience, not love. Slowly, they must come to make the best of it, Bilbo resolves. After all, he's a Hobbit. They make the best of things.

** An Expected Journey by MarieJacquelyn - 295k, rating: E, complete, time travel, sex and violence, fix it, eventual happy ending, temporary character death, BotFA fix it, everybody lives nobody dies.

Summary: “I just wish…”

“What do you wish?”

“I wish I could have changed it all.”

For years Bilbo has written about his adventures and told stories about his dealings with dwarves and dragons. To most it seemed like fanciful nonsense but to Bilbo it was all very real. A weight followed him home from his travels, one called regret. Now in his final moments Bilbo has a choice to make – go quietly into death’s embrace or go back again and face all the fear and pain for the chance to make things right?

Of course, change is a fickle thing and not everything can be done again as Bilbo is about to find out. In the end, it may not only be salvation that he’s fighting for.

** Durin’s League by hobbitgrl - 73k, rating: E, complete, superheroes/superpowers au, fem!Bilbo, angst, romance, all the dwarves all the things all the feelings.

Summary: When the mysterious Durin's League takes the national spotlight in the battle against the super-powered villains of the Smaug Corporation Bilbo Baggins doesn't think much of it. At least not until Thorin Oakenshield crashes through her living room wall and Gandalf tells her she's their only hope.

No Matter What We Breed by fideliant - 37k, rating: E, complete, alpha/beta/omega dynamics, omegaverse, alpha Thorin, omega Bilbo, courtship, cultural differences, love at first sight, implied mpreg, a lot of sex folks, angst, attempted rape/non-con, Gandalf is a mega troll.

Summary: In a world where omega males are slightly less rare than Arkenstones, Thorin doesn't do himself much of a favour by falling in love with the first gentlehobbit he lays eyes on. Much more is expected of virile alpha male dwarves, after all, even more so for kings, but when Bilbo is revealed to be the first omega male in centuries, Erebor is suddenly not the only prize that Thorin has set his sights on winning.

** Office Hours by lilithiumwords - 9k, rating: E, complete, takes place after What Happens in Gondor, modern au, college/university au, Kili is a literature student and Bilbo is his professor and Thorin is a jerk (not really), smut, Thorin might be deranged, (I love the ending to this, read it).

Summary: When Professor Bilbo Baggins sent Kíli Vinson's paper home with a bad grade, he never imagined that his relaxing office hours would be interrupted by Kíli's terribly rude uncle.Whom, incidentally, Bilbo had met before and knew rather, er, intimately.

** The Riven Crown by The_Kingmaker - 254k, rating: E, complete, friends to lovers, misunderstandings, mutual pining, middle earth politics,  everyone lives nobody dies au, hurt/comfort, nightmare, alternating POV, slow burn.

Summary: ‘We may have won the battle, but I fear the war with winter is just beginning.’

The aftermath of war is no laughing matter. Those who died must be honoured, those who are wounded must be healed, and those who remain need food and clothing, peace and sanctuary. With Thorin's life hanging in the balance, it is up to Bilbo and the rest of the Company to rule the rag-tag remnants of Erebor in his place.

Then there is the matter of the gold...

Can Bilbo save both king and kingdom, or is Erebor destined to fall deeper into ruin?

Safe and Distant by Lindzzz - 45k, rating: E, complete, slow burn, everyone lives nobody dies au (everyone knows but bilbo), thorn is an idiot, post BotFA, cultural miscommunication, 50k sequel!

Summary: "Bilbo never bothers denying that he is a slight, little bit, probably infatuated with Thorin. It’s not something that bothers him. Really. He’s pretty sure that everyone very likely has a little flutter in their chest for the dwarf. He’s something grand and unattainable.And it’s really much safer if it stays that way."

** What Happens in Gondor by lilithiumwords - 15k, rating: E, complete, modern au, smut, one night stand, REINCARNATION, anyone?, Gandalf is a troll, Thorin and Bilbo are beans, so much sex, prequel to a 3 part series.

Summary: The one night stand that Bilbo will always regret leaving behind.

[themerrymutants]

“You’re going to destroy yourself if you don’t talk about this.” For Cael

Angst starter meme from like 20 years ago

Setting: modern

@3000yearmonarch

He knew she was right, it had been eating away at him for three millennia now but he couldn’t exactly just talk about it. Nobody would believe him, hell they may even misdiagnose him because of it. He trusted her but near as he could tell there was no promise she’d believe him. Then again that may work in his favor.

“I’m not from here as in this world. My ears aren’t just some unfortunately wide set and oddly mobile. I’m an elf, well peredhel (half elf in English) if you want to be more accurate though I chose to be counted among elves quite some time ago, my family came here by complete accident. My mother and I were out collecting herbs for my aunt when we were jumped by orcs. Nearly killed the both of us but my adar and the rest of the guard came and drove them off before they could finish the job. We were barely conscious when he tossed us onto Celecúron’s back and just rode as hard as he could back to the healers the family dogs hot on his heels. Somewhere he took a wrong turn and we ended up in Vanitas. I have no idea how the hell we pulled through without modern technology unless someone used their Pokémon to try and heal us. We were separated from everything we’d ever known, in an alien world, with no knowledge of the language and culture. I was so damn terrified and angry. How dare my father do this to us, how dare he take us away from everything we’ve ever known and loved? I took the name Cael to let him know how I felt. It means illness in Sindarin; I almost killed my mother while she was pregnant with me with how sick and weak I’d made her, ada blamed himself for it and this name was just reminding him every time it was said. It was stupid and childish and I still regret it. We’re on better terms now but my having kept this name still makes things shakey at times. My given name was Aegroth Arriethorion. The surname isn’t really a surname it just means ‘son of Arriethor’.

When I entered your service I wanted to protect you of course but part of me was 'punishing’ my parents. Gods I wish I hadn’t been such a prick to them back then. They were in the same boat and it wasn’t fair of me to act like they’d done this on purpose. I was so damn scared for a good bit of time I’d freeze and fail you like I’d failed my mother. It was why I was so damn determined to put you ahead of literally everything: I didn’t want to fail you; to lose you.

I was devastated when you..I left the guard after. I took up just going wherever my feet lead me I offered guard services to people who needed it in exchange for food and a place to lay my head. Never did anything worthy of song during that time but I enjoyed helping others.

I once even managed to get myself cast as an extra in Lord of The Rings. Helped them get the Imaldris set correct. Correct their Sindarin because oh sweet Eru was it off. They tried to get me to help their Quenya but I don’t speak a word. Got booted when I had a panic attack at Helm’s Deep. It was fun if extremely homesickness inducing up until then.

Then I found you again. I got confused when I first spotted you. Last I’d checked elves were the only ones capable of reincarnation and even if we weren’t I doubt Mandos’ Halls reach here. But it was you, tired but you. I was so goddamn happy to see you. Finally felt less out of place for once. That’s part of why I stuck around: some normality for once.”

[backpfeifenguy]

All in your head

WARNING: This story contains mental health issues, violence, self-destructive behaviour and references to suicide.

You’re a fucking joke. Not the most pleasant thought to be woken up by, it must be said. The whole team’s ashamed of you, they only keep you on out of pity. Nevertheless, it was the first thought in Beast Boy’s head as he woke that morning, morning in this case meaning ‘there’s still ten minutes til noon’. I mean, it’s not like you bring much to the table.

Beast Boy blinked the sleep from his eyes, looked up at the clock, and rolled himself out of bed. Robin’s basically a ninja, so they don’t need your smaller forms for stealth. After a quick trip to the bathroom and a check to make sure he’d remembered to put a shirt on, he was just about ready to face what remained of the day. Cyborg and Starfire have you outclassed for raw power.

As he lurched out the door and towards the kitchen, he heard the drone of conversation. They’re talking about you behind your back! He paused at the door, taking a moment to slip into a lazy grin, and strolled into the room.

“Wassup dudes?” He asked cheerfully, strolling into the kitchen and grabbing a box of cereal. Really? ‘Wassup dudes’? Loser.

“Not much, Grass Stain.” Cyborg replied. “Rob was gonna chew you out for sleeping in so long until Star talked him out of it.” See? Robin’s sick of your shit, he’ll be kicking you off the team any day now.

“I guess that’s one I owe her.” Beast Boy chuckled, pouring himself a glass of orange juice. Try fifty. “Anything else?”

“Well, Raven’s started reading a new book.” Cyborg offered jokingly.

“Do tell!” Beast boy exclaimed, treating the information as though it were some juicy piece of gossip.

“Well…” Cyborg looked around shiftily for a moment before leaning in towards Beast Boy. “I’m pretty sure it’s a modern fantasy novel!” He hissed conspiratorially.

“How bold!” The changeling snickered, doing his best to look scandalised. “And the name?”

“Good Omens.” Cyborg replied simply.

“Good Omens…” Beast Boy murmured disbelievingly. “By Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett?” Not a chance! There’s no way that Raven’s reading something you’ve actually read. She’s smart, you’re dumb; had you forgotten?

“I think so,” Cyborg confirmed. “Why?” A coincidence, nothing more.

“I’ve actually read that one.” Beast Boy muttered, grinning hugely. “Raven’s reading a book that I read first!” Doesn’t matter. Still an idiot. “For once, I can start a conversation about something she’s interested in, and I’ll know more about it than her!” He rubbed his hands together deviously. “This is gonna be great!”

“Yeah, well a word of advice, B.” Cyborg wrinkled his nose. “Brush your teeth first, you got some nasty morning breath!” You disgusting animal.

As he brushed his teeth, Beast Boy found himself studying his own reflection. It was unlikely that any of his friends would find this behaviour surprising, considering the fact that he had something of a reputation for vanity. What they would have found surprising was the way his brow furrowed and the corners of his mouth turned down. Jesus, what a mess! The fangs, the skin… the ears! You really got hit with the ugly stick, huh? He put his toothbrush away, idly noting that it had been torn up by his fangs, and left the bathroom. What, running from the mirror? Can’t say I blame you.

“Hey there Rae.” He said cheerfully, approaching the couch.

“Hey Beast Boy.” Raven replied without looking up from her book.

“Good book?” He asked, grinning like an idiot.

“Exceptionally so.” Raven replied, her eyes never leaving the page.

“So who do you like better,” Beast Boy began. “Azriphale or Croweley?” He positively revelled in the look on Raven’s face as she turned to face him.

“...Croweley.” Raven answered after a moment.

“Yeah, I can see that.” Beast Boy nodded. “A demon who goes against his supposed place in the cosmic order and saves the world? Makes sense you’d like him.”

“So you’ve read it.” Raven stated bluntly.

“Three times.” He replied. “Six if you count audiobooks.”

“So who do you like better?” Raven asked.

“Well, I--” The alarm sounded. “Will have to pick this conversation up later.” He finished, running to the elevator and cursing his bad luck. It’s what you deserve.

It was Control Freak. Of all the villains it could have been, it was Control Freak. Attacking a comic book store, because of course he was. “Sell my preordered comics while I’m in prison, will you?” He ranted, firing his remote at basically every figurine, poster and cardboard cutout in the store. “I’ll show you, I’ll show you all!”

“Your payment was declined!” The helpless cashier wailed. “Your accounts were frozen when they locked you up!”

“Great,” Raven deadpanned. “An angry, entitled nerd. Just what I wanted to deal with today.”

“I wonder what he preordered.” Beast Boy mused. Probably all the same stuff you read, since you’re both totally pathetic.

“Well, if it isn’t the Teen Titans.” Control Freak sneered, “Come to stop me have you?”

“Give it up, Control Freak!” Robin exclaimed. “If you surrender now, nobody gets hurt.”

“Why would I surrender?” Control Freak giggled. “After all, I’m in my element here!” And with that, A wave of comic, movie, anime and game characters surged forward to attack. Robin found himself caught up in a brawl with Spike Speigel while Starfire engaged in an aerial battle with Iron Man. Cyborg and Raven were back to back fighting Link (as in, every single version of Link), and Beast Boy found himself face-to-face with a man wearing a dark coat and a tricorn hat, wielding a bizarre oversized saw.

“Are you kidding?” Beast Boy chuckled, ducking and weaving around his assailant’s attacks. “You sent Johnny Bloodborne after me?” With that, he struck the nameless character from the box art of Bloodborne in the stomach before leaping back. “Dude, I platinumed this game ages ago!” Are you seriously bragging about that? Lame. He transformed into a wolf, ducking under a heavy attack and exploiting the opening it created to devastating effect. A few repetitions of this pattern of dodge and strike left his opponent on the verge of defeat; he just needed to get one more shot in and-- Take the hit.

Raven was in a bad mood; she’d had a pleasant conversation interrupted, discovered that Control Freak was to blame, and was currently being attacked by a swarm of blonde elves, all of whom insisted on grunting ans screaming loudly and incoherently as they fought. “How many of these are there?” She asked Cyborg as she sliced one in half with a blade of telekinetic force.

“Legend of Zelda is a long-lived and influential franchise!” Cyborg replied, blasting an especially small and cartoony-looking one.

“Meaning?” Raven demanded.

“Meaning there’s a lot of ‘em!” Cyborg exclaimed.

“Great.” Raven scowled, throwing up a barrier just in time to deflect a sword aimed at her stomach. “Well, it shouldn’t be much longer until one of the others can back us up, so let’s just--” She fell silent, her empathic sense warning her that something was very wrong. “Beast Boy’s aura feels weird, what’s happening?”

“Oh crap!” Control Freak squealed, his voice nearly an octave higher than usual, as he pointed in apparent horror at Beast Boy. Beast Boy lying in a pool of his own blood. With a giant saw stuck in his shoulder.

“What did you do to him?!” Raven demanded, a wave of shadows tearing through their foes and throwing Control Freak against the wall.

“He was supposed to dodge it!” Control Freak shrieked, his aura radiating blind panic and… sadness? “He dodges it, then he beats it! Then you guys beat me, I go to jail, and nobody gets hurt!” His eyes began to tear up. “He wasn’t supposed to get hurt!” The fat, scruffy nerd blubbered inelegantly. “It’s no fun like this!”

“Fun?” Raven demanded. “You think this is a game?! Beast Boy is dead!” She screeched.

“Not yet he ain’t!” Cyborg called out. “So how ‘bout you get your butt over here and heal him?”

“What’s the damage?” She asked, at Beast Boy’s side in an instant.

“Punctured lung, blood loss, broken collarbone and ribs, torn muscles.” Cyborg answered with clinical precision. “Think you can handle it?”

“Easily.” Raven replied, more confidently than she actually felt. “Azarath Metrion Zinthos!” She intoned, setting about mending the damage done to Beast Boy’s ruined frame.

“Is there, uh, anything I can do to help?” Control Freak asked, his voice little more than a squeak.    

“You want to help?” Robin scoffed. “Haven’t you done enough?”

“Can you make some kind of healer?” Cyborg asked pragmatically, more interested in saving his best friend’s life than in recrimination.

“Just give me a minute, okay?” And with that, Control Freak dashed off into some other corner of the store.

A moment later, a middle-aged man dressed like Doctor Frankenstein rushed over, carrying a device that looked for all the world like a cannon.

“Is zis mein patient?” He demanded, his voice carrying a thick German accent.

“Great,” Raven sighed. “A mad scientist. And with that accent, and how unsubtle game designers are, he’s probably a Nazi.”

“I am no such thing!” He replied sternly.

“There’s actually evidence to suggest that the Medic is Jewish.” Control Freak interjected.

“Okay, fine, but how is he useful here?” Raven demanded.

“Step aside und I will demonstrate, frauline.” The Medic replied curtly leveling his weapon (?) at Beast Boy and firing a strange red beam. Raven lunged forward at the sight of this, only to be held back by Cyborg.

“It’s not a weapon.” Cyborg reassured her. “Technically it’s the opposite.” And indeed, Beast Boy’s wounds began to heal, although far too slowly for Raven’s liking.

“My remote can’t replicate his abilities perfectly.” Control Freak offered in response to Raven’s glare. “It produces a weaker version of any power that isn’t purely physical.”

“It’ll do.” Raven replied blankly, returning to the business of mending Beast Boy’s injuries and, if she was being honest to herself, trying not to freak out. It was bad; the combination of a punctured lung and massive blood loss were a recipe for hypoxia, and honestly his lung wasn’t so much punctured as it was carved. The shattered collarbone and shredded muscles only served to complicate things, and it occurred to Raven, not for the first time, that out of all of them, Beast Boy seemed to be the one who ended up getting hurt the most, which struck her as vaguely unfair.

I mean, it’s not like his life before the Titans was sunshine and rainbows; can’t the universe cut him a break? Can’t it cut any of us a break? Nevertheless, Raven set about dealing with the hand that had been dealt, repairing Beast Boy’s lung and replenishing his blood. She felt her strength begin to fade just in time for the Medic to blink out of existence, to her considerable annoyance.

“They don’t last forever.” Control Freak offered by way of explanation. “And using an ability like that really eats into their lifespan.”

“Good to know.” Robin remarked dryly.

“Oh crap, I shouldn’t have told you about that.” Control Freak muttered.

“Ughhh…” Beast Boy moaned, his eyelids fluttering open.

“He’s conscious!” Raven called out.

“What happened?” Beast Boy asked groggily, hie head swimming.

“You nearly got yourself killed by some Hot Topic lookin’ piece of crap is what happened.” Cyborg answered bluntly.

“Oh,” Beast Boy sighed, his memories returning quickly. “Right.” What the hell is wrong with you? Look how exhausted Raven is from keeping your dumb ass alive.

“Hey, uh… guys?” Control Freak mumbled awkwardly. “This whole thing kind of freaked me out so, uh, could you just kinda, y’know, arrest me?”

“Wait, you want us to arrest you?” Beast Boy asked incredulously.

“Dude, you nearly died!” Control Freak exclaimed. “That was seriously messed up!” Great, now even Control Freak is taking pity on you.

“Why do you care what happens to me?” Beat Boy demanded.

“Hey man, I do robberies and consequence-free mayhem!” Control Freak replied, somewhat indignantly in Beast Boy’s opinion. “I don’t kill people!”

“Discussions of Control Freak’s relative morality can wait,” Robin said firmly, cuffing the obese villain. “Right now we need to get him into custody and start on the paperwork. And after that,” He shot Beast Boy a Look. “We need to talk.” Welp, you’re boned.

[brod-anthropology]

This weeks watch

-Twilight

banging, absolute masterpiece, the best one in the franchise.

-Rebecca

Incredibly good! It’s a classic story and they really stuck to it, they didn’t deviate too much and it was well acted. It was just really well done! The costumes were great and unexpected, like they were period accurate (as far as I can tell) but they weren’t the normal drab and dreary that they could’ve easily gone for. And honeslty OOF!! I could go on about how beautiful it was, the cinematography was *chefs kiss*. It helps that they had a great set but even so, the angles, the way they used colour and lighting, so good!!! Would defintily recommend.

-Megaconda

It was uhhh, interesting. Enjoyable. A classic in its own right, but maybe not the highest quality one. But no in all seriousness it’s not a serious film, it’s not even a B movie it’s like a C movie- but it’s fun! And that’s what counts, it was enjoyable and even if the camera work was terrible and the graphics, editing, acting, writing and story all left much to be desired you can’t really blame the film itself, it’s not serious and I enjoyed watching it!

-Sharknado

Now if we’re talking about masterpieces, you’ve found the right film. Alright camera quality, terrible continuity and downright awful but incredible acting, it’s the film of a generation. It’s fun and stupid and silly and it doesn’t really make sense, the plot is one entire plot hole but it’s enjoyable! The ridiculousness makes it worthwhile, if not for the terrible CGI and A+ plus action scenes. Really not a serious film but defintily a classic to watch, it really speaks for itself- it’s literally a film about a tornado full of sharks, what do you expect from a film with such a banging plot.

-Sharknado 2: the second one

It’s just Sharknado 2. That’s it. This time he’s in New York not LA and they try and give some backstory, but it’s just Sharknado 2. Actually I lied, Billy Ray Cyrus plays a surgeon for all of 4 minutes, and it’s the performance of his lifetime, and it’s not so painfully dominated by Cis White men (though they still have a govern, VERY heavy presence).

-Bearcano VS Nazi Sharks

Really, you don’t want to know. Not the best thing to ever be made.

-Black books

Classic! Favourite series! It’s about an Irish alcoholic who owns a bookshop and his best friend who runs a shop next door and the guy that he hired to help around, it’s a lot funnier than it sounds I promise, there’s nothing spectacular about the editing or the shots but it’s hilarious and it’s my favourite comedy series and defintily a comfort- the writing and visual gags are banging. it’s not particularly serious but has a certain early 2000s charm that I don’t think would be allowed to be written into a show nowadays. But yes! Bill bailey and Dylan Moran!

-Treasure Planet

Classic childhood film! Watched it with Ellie, she’d never seen it!! Honeslty I remember it being great as a kid and if anything it’s only better now I’m older and I get more of the references, I think it’s one of those hidden gems from that experimental period dreamworld and Disney had (you know like the prince of Egypt, Atlantis, ferngully, etc...). It’s just crazy cool! The attention to detail is amazing and so is the worldbuilding, the animation and cinematography is crazy and honeslty it deserves a live action remake so much more than the Lion King or the Jungle Book and you can’t convince me otherwise.

-the grinch

This is actually one of the few Christmas films I’ve seen and I watched it with Ellie whilst having our little farewell Christmas decoration meal thing together. It’s just a classic really, there’s not much to say- the costumes are amazing, I feel sorry for Jim Carrey for the hell he went through for that look, and the whole design of it is phenomenal.

-home alone

Never seen it before Ellie showed me and it’s surprisingly good! For some reason I’ve never seen it and my family avoided showing it to me but?? It’s not bad!! I see why people like it so much, I can imagine if you watched it when you were younger it would’ve had a real big nostalgia feel to it and it does stand the test of time fairly well. The writing is decent and the gags are funny, and it’s a bit of a feel good so it ticks all the boxes for an alright Christmas film.

-Staged

Very good! Another favourite! David tenant and Michael Sheen try and rehearse a play over zoom in lockdown, it’s very witty and well written and it’s very very cool to see how well they managed to work with the limited filming options and adapt it to actual zoom calls and such, like there’s very little in person bits and even then its clear that it was done on like a phone (or at least not a professional camera) and I just think it’s cool how well they managed to adapt a narrative to not only fit around how awkward working over video calls is but make the entire plot essentially be that. Plus I think its kind of a testament to how good the acting and writing/plot is, like the fact that it’s so good and about 85% of it happens via video calls just kind of shows that you don’t need flashy cameras and sets and costumes, they made it good just by focusing on the narrative and acting out what they could in character (I know they don’t play characters in the show but they’re like caricatures or characterised versions of themselves you know)

-the Christmas chronicles

Surprisingly! Another good Christmas film. Santa’s a bit if badass won’t lie, and it has very thing you need: Santa in a leather coat, an annoying brother sister duo, a car chase scene involving the police, a dead dad, and elves that look like if rats developed into humans and not primates. It’s really a festive classic. (I know this sounds scathing but this was actually quite an enjoyable watch it was just a very weird plot,internally the brother and sisters dad is dead and that’s killed the brothers Christmas spirit and then the sister decides to video record Santa on VHS even though it’s set in 2017 and then they accidentally stow away in his sled and cause him to crash, jeopardising Christmas- that’s the exact plot). It was actually well done, the kid actors weren’t the best but again they’re child actors but overall the plot was interesting and it was well choreographed and shot, it’s a Christmas film it’s not a masterpiece but it was enjoyable!

-Disenchantment

A rewatch but still good, thought the 3D perspective in 2D animation does make me queasy soemtimes but we’ll ignore that. It’s very funny and quite tongue in cheek but what do you expect from the dude who made the Simpson’s and futurama, it’s quite a smart play on merging modern culture and references into a fantasy medieval setting though sometimes it does come across like they’re trying too hard, but don’t we all try too hard sometimes. It’s well made, not incredible but it’s well thought out, well written and well planned and it’s a real fun and easy watch and Im rewatching it so clearly it’s at least alright

-Hilda

Incredibly good!!! So so good!!! Like I literally can’t sing the praise of this show enough! I ya on Netflix it’s like a kids animated show it’s about a girl and her pet deer fox and they move to the city, and it’s like her with her friends going on little adventures and being a scout and whatever except it’s set in a world where like folklore and stuff is real- it’s more Scandinavian folklore so it’s like giants and vittra and trolls and druegens but it’s so cool!! The writings kind of simple because it’s aimed for kids but it’s still solid and the plots are crazy cool, the characters are very loveable and oddly well-rounded and they develop as the show goes on, the storylines are also super cool and interesting and they have really good continuity. And I really can’t tell you how cute the animation is, it’s really simple and Patel but it works so well for the theme of the show and the actual sequences are so fluid and dynamic it’s so cool! Cannot even describe how much I love this show and how happy I am season 2 just came out!

[fieryaxolotl]

Starlight Coffee Pit

Pairing: Abelas X Lothuial Summary: Abelas likes his coffee, done in a certain way. Luckily for him, the Starlight Camp Coffee Pit barista is more than qualified to make his coffee exactly the way he likes. Unfortunately, the barista doesn't care much for the elf's attitude, and is not afraid to subtly letting him know, using whatever weapon at her disposition, much to the amusement of Abelas' coworkers. Modern AU

Shamelessly tagging @savvylittleminx and @bearly-tolerable, because... Abelas >3

Part I

Abelas stumbled inside the office, not yet awake. He opened the door with one hand, while clutching the coffee cup protectively against his chest. Finally, he made it to his desk without incident. He sat down and took a sip from the cup. He sighed. At usual, it was perfect. It was so difficult to find good coffee in this town. Then again, Redcliff was not Orlais by any stretch of imagination, he would have to remember that.

It was Sera, their social media manager who first told him of this place, after he complained, for the xth time, the local Starbuck had messed up his order. Again. Abelas did not believe he was being difficult. He simply liked things to be done a certain way. He was a bit wary at first, to be honest. Even if she was usually right when it came to food and drinks, Sera’s tastes were… eccentric, to say the least. Still, when Varric joined in, as well as Lavellan, Abelas felt he could thrust them. And he hadn’t been disappointed.

He carefully set the cup and his bag on the desk before taking his coat off to hang it on the rack behind the chair. Sera would be coming along shortly for their morning meeting.

It was something she started doing ever since he started going to the coffee shop. At first, he thought it was because of the muffins and cakes he kept at his desk. While his sweet tooth wasn’t as legendary as Solas’, it was still very well known. When Abelas mentioned it to Sera, she simply laughed, claiming her wife made better ones. He would have to agree on this one. Then, he thought she was simply happy he had followed one of her suggestions. In any case, it made it easier for him to get a clearer idea of what and how she was doing, instead of waiting for some catastrophe to bring her to his office.

He was just finishing his coffee when she entered, looking strangely smug.

“What is it?” he asked. “Did the new campaign reached unexpected heights during the night, despite the fact I stated using Instagram was a bit of overkill?

“Ack! It’ll work just fine. You’ll see.” Sera said, waving her hand a little. “You just need to give it a little time. We launched the new product only yesterday.”

Abelas smiled – more like a half-smile actually – knowing she was probably right, as usual. Sera was many things but she was good at what she did, and he was glad she had agreed to work with them.

Their company was a small one, dedicated to bringing back some of the culture and history of the Elvhen to the elves living in the cities and on the reservations. They operated mostly on the web through blogs, vlogs and podcasts. Abelas and Solas had started the company together, pooling their knowledge on history and Elvhen culture. Lavellan was their figurehead, with her vlog and podcast. Sera had been recruited to manage the social medias when it became obvious neither Solas or Abelas had the talent for it, following a recommendation from Lavellan. It took much to convince the blond woman to stay, and there was still a lot of fights with Solas, even today, but she was a good sounding board for how their work could be perceived by the elves.

Varric joined their shortly after as their reviser. He also ran a blog giving tips to dwarves that had just started living on the surface. His stories, in audiobooks, were also very popular. Him an Sera even planned to create a podcast that would debunk many myths people had about non-human. Solas believed it would be good idea but Abelas was a little more cautious. They were dealing with enough hate already. Luckily, the security of their website and network was handled by the Iron Bull’s Charges, a ragtime team of former hackers. Their services were a bit pricey, despite the fact Bull claimed he gave them a good price since he had worked with Lavellan before, but Abelas had witnessed the results and judged the investment paid tenfold.

“So, what makes you so happy then? Celebrating in advance?” he asked, teasing her a little.

“Pffffff. No. But I was wondering if I could keep your cup when you’re done.”

“My… Cup? Why?”

“I like the drawings on it.” She shrugged. “They make new ones every day, you know?”

Abelas blinked and looked at his now empty cup. “I… never noticed they changed.” he confessed after a moment.

“Yeah. No offense but you don’t notice anything before your second coffee.” Sera snorted.

“That’s not true! I notice lots of things!”

“Oh? So, it wasn’t you that had been caught snoring in the last meeting with the lady from the Orleasian library?”

“No. It was Solas.”

“He was on vacation.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yep.”

“… Was there something else or you just wanted my cup?” He asked after a time, not liking where the conversation was going. Sera simply grabbed the cup and left, cackling a little maniacally before he could ask her if she wanted him to wash it first.

The following days, he started paying more and more attention to the drawings on his cup. Sometimes, they were merely doodles. Other times, they were like miniature works of art. And sometimes, they were little cartoons of about three to four squares each. Those he liked best but they were rare. Abelas guessed the shop’s barista would probably draw them when there weren’t many customers. He nodded to Varric as he made his way to his desk, glancing at the small pile of cups on Sera’s desk. Abelas was still a bit confused of the elf woman’s selection. They were mostly doodles with only a few that had actual drawings on them. To each his or her own, he supposed, as he started putting his things away.

He took his cup to get a better look at today’s artwork. It was made of simple lines, curving and twisting around his name. The design was simple but still somewhat elegant. It reminded him of his vallaslin. He was still tracing the pattern when Solas stumbled into the office and threw himself on the chair facing Abelas.

“How were your holidays?” he asked the bald elf after a time.

“Terrible. The Sabrae didn’t even let get me close enough to the eluvian to actually confirm our theories. Hell, they barely let me step inside the ruins’ entrance.”

“Considering the fuss Orlais and Ferelden made about it, who could blame them?”

Solas’ answering curse made Abelas chuckle. “Didn’t Dr. Pavus said you needed to relax?”

“He also said you needed to find yourself a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, he’s not sure which way you swing, and to lay off the coffee a bit. Since you appeared to have done neither, why should I bother?” He peered closely at the cup in Abelas’ hand. “Say, isn’t that from the coffee shop that opened right before I left?”

“Hm-hm. Their coffee is truly delicious. I swear; I think the barista can actually read my mind.” Abelas tipped back his head to finish his drink.

“I… see… Tell, you didn’t insult someone over there, did you?” Solas asked.

“I don’t think so. Why are you asking?”

“Just being curious.”

Abelas frowned and glanced at his cup, then under it since it was the only place where Solas could have seen something. ‘Barely Awaken Arse’ was written under it, in an exquisitely detailed calligraphy. He stared at it for a long time.

“I take you never noticed?” Solas laughed, clearly enjoying the look on his business partner’s face.

Abelas didn’t reply but simply stood up and walked over to Sera’s desk to check under each cup that was on it. Each one of them had either an insult or an insulting play on his name.

The elf just stood there, frozen.

“I’ll be right back.”

And he stepped outside.

[therealdragonnerdagain]

This is a retired gaming blog, blah, blah, blah. But I wanted to post this.

So I was playing Skyrim (Vilkas is a crappy follower -- Farkas is better) and for some reason, I started thinking about how I made that Loghain post about two (?) years ago and how Dragon Age fans misunderstood it.

I remember having some fans attack me, astonished and self-righteously outraged that I was "defending" a racist slaver. Meanwhile, other fans approached me in a friendly manner, shocked that I had apparently killed Loghain in the game even though I pitied him. These two groups were both under the impression that I liked Loghain, which was . . . utterly baffling to me.

It occurred to me that these fans must've been very young, because they were still thinking with a very black and white mentality. To them, pitying Loghain was equal to liking him (except it's not) and explaining why he did what he did in Origins was somehow the same as condoning his actions (again, it's not).

If I recall correctly, the purpose of my post was to recount Loghain's sins in a list where I explained why he committed each one through codexes, letters, and info I'd gathered in the game (working with Howe, Anora's schemes, etc).

Also, keep in mind that I always tended to write such posts after having taken my meds and right before going to bed, so they were often incoherent, drowsily written nonsense.

So ironic that I was accused of ableism while too out of my mind to write a decent post due to a medication for my MENTAL ILLNESS.

So ironic that I was accused of racism and condoning slavery, only to have my accuser turn around and make racist insults at me.

But whatever. Back to Loghain.

I think Alistair summed it up best when he said that people like Loghain and Anora think they're the only ones who can get anything done. Loghain thinking he was the only competent and trustworthy person in all of Feralden is half the reason Feralden nearly burned to the ground.

Yes, I pity Loghain. But, no, I don't like him. He's an asshole and I've never had a playthrough where I spared him (especially since I played elves so much).

I pity Loghain because he has PTSD and his wild paranoia was sad to watch. He truly believed Cailan was going to marry Celene when he clearly wasn't (something Inquisition and The Masked Empire only further proves -- Celene is queer, power-hungry, and in no way willing to marry a man) and if you take Loghain back to Ostagar, he rants and raves about Cailan's "betrayal" wildly. It reminds me of mentally ill people I knew personally.

So, yes. I pity Loghain because he is a broken soldier. And how could anyone have helped him? Thedas doesn't "do" mental illness well. As I mentioned on another post, Cullen is probably the first templar in (recent) history to open a rest home for broken soldiers.

What was more, Loghain had too much power. There was no one to stop him in the heights of his paranoia. Even Cailan couldn't do anything because he needed Loghain's help against the darkspawn.

Also, Anora would probably never speak to Cailan again if he sent her father away. I believe Cailan really loved Anora and was never going to marry Celene. Eamon (so high on having the king's ear) kept telling Cailan to find a new wife, and Cailan kept telling Eamon to mind his own business. So Eamon's letters, combined with the complete businesslike letters from Celene about an "alliance" both led Loghain -- in his feverish brain -- into believing his son-in-law was casting Anora aside, when nothing was farthest from the truth.

If you pay attention at Ostagar, Cailan is clearly annoyed by Loghain but can't be rid of him. I wouldn't be surprised if he suggested having Loghain retire to a chantry somewhere, only for Anora to become upset with him until he called it off. Remember, Anora practically worshiped her father.

Also, yes, I enjoy understanding the reasons why Loghain did what he did. That's because I'm a writer and I enjoy knowing the entire story. That does not mean I condone Loghain's actions.

I recall fans sneering on me for talking about gray morality and how the Gray Wardens were called GRAY WARDENS because gray morality is the entire theme of Dragon Age.

The fans were sneering on me because they thought I was using "gray morality" to excuse the elven slave trade. Only I wasn't. I never said it was right or necessary to sell the elves off to Teviner. In fact, it was completely unnecessary (when is slavery ever necessary?). And given the fact that my favorite Gray Warden was Kalian (and my second favorite was Mahariel) it was downright infuriating. (Kalian's father almost gets sold.)

Also, it wasn't Loghain that sold the elves. It was Howe, as theorized in another post of mine. Howe led a massacre against the elves after Tabris killed Vaughn, and when that wasn't enough to cow them, he used bio warfare and slavery to be rid of them. In fact, he did just about everything that has been done historically to people of color in real life -- why in FUCK would I excuse or condone this???

David Gaider stated on BSN (I believe the thread is gone now with the rest of the forums) that Loghain didn't even know what was happening in the alienage until you wave the slaver documents in his face during the landsmeet.

Loghain wasn't given a short stick by the plot. He was written wonderfully. He was written just well enough that you could pity him and hate him at the same time. And he felt very human. And very real. More real than Coryphshit, anyway.

Loghain had a full story arc with multiple outcomes. It's pretty much everything a fictional character in a video game could ask for. He wasn't given the short end of anything, in my humble opinion.

Even though Loghain wasn't directly (but was indirectly) responsible for the slave trade, he was still responsible for a lot of seedy shit. He was responsible for Uldred. He promised a man -- a slave -- his freedom, only to go back on that promise, which led to Uldred committing suicide by giving his body to a demon and wreaking havoc on the tower: the real Uldred was dead by the time the Warden arrived.

Loghain was also responsible for Redcliffe but couldn't be bothered to manipulate the Dalish into his control. No, they were already destroying themselves in a neat little plot about how the writers think white people aren't responsible for modern day oppression or whatever.

Anyway.

It's supposed to be ironic that Loghain depises the Gray Wardens and yet acts just like them, committing atrocities to do what is necessary (or what he THINKS is necessary) but not what is right. It's almost like the game was building up specifically for him to become a Gray Warden. Especially if you read the books, you can see what I mean. (The same kinda goes for Solas, though he's just a Loghain-expy anyway.)

My point is, fans of the game are too young to grasp its more mature themes, which reach beyond simple black and white ethics. Dragon Age: Origins is a world were nothing is black and white and nothing is supposed to be simple (again, not "condoning" slavery. Slavery is pretty simple: it's wrong). It's a world full of anti-heroes who do bad things to save the day.

Again, Howe wasn't doing something "necessary" in selling off elves, so I'm NOT talking about him when I speak about gray morality. I'm talking about Loghain, who firmly believed he was doing the right thing at Ostagar, even though he really wasn't. Loghain firmly believed that saving his troops and pulling them out would protect Ferelden, even if it meant sacrificing thousands of lives -- just as Solas believed sacrificing all those people on the mountain by tricking Corypheus into opening his foci was necessary to save his own people.

As a side note, it kind of pisses me off that Patrick Weekes wrote that segment for Solas where Solas talks about the battle at Ostagar being not so black and white. He tries to make it seem as if Loghain's actions could have actually been right in some way, but anyone who's paid close nerdy attention knows that Loghain was clearly WRONG. I believe this was done mostly to honor the player's interpretation but . . .

If Loghain hadn't barred the Orlesians from entering Ferelden, then pulled out his own troops, Ostagar would not have happened. Period.

During the first act of Inquisition, you can actually get in a fight with the quartermaster at Haven about Ostagar. It's another example of Patrick's Weeke's shitty writing, where he tries to get an emotional reaction from the audience by appealing to the player instead of the Inquisitor. He basically has no idea how to write for a video game and instead writes like this is a novel. 

The Inquisitor has no reason to care so passionately about Loghain and Ostagar, while those of us who played Origins do. Yet the Inquisitor is so angry, they act as if they were there (because we were there) when they really shouldn't give a fuck. This is immersion breaking, also stupid, and Weekes uses this method to pull us into the story emotionally multiple times throughout the game: Morrigan's introduction where the Inquisitor is smiling at a dangerous stranger as if they know her, the popular and much loved Teagan being a jerk in order to play on our feelings (and again not the Inquisitor’s feelings), etc.

Loghain wanted desperately to keep the Orlesians out because the war against Orlais had left him paranoid and suffering PTSD. Orlesians raped his mother and killed his father. Orlesians mounted the heads of his family and friends on pikes. Orlesians made his life a living hell.

And it was so, so easy to blame everything on Cailan once he was dead, wasn't it? But I don't think Loghain was really even blaming Cailan out of power-hungry maliciousness: he actually believed Cailan was a stupid child (Calian's name even means child) and would forever see Cailan through the "father filter."

Loghain has a Fade nightmare that was cut from the game and buried in the game files. In it, he is trapped with child!Cailan in the Fade and is bogged down by guilt and anger. He will always see Cailan as a child and will hate himself for killing him, even while still hating Cailan.

Yes, Loghain hated Cailan, possibly because he was the child of Maric and Rowan, Rowan being the woman he loved. He believed Cailan was a little boy who wanted war and had miscalculated the battle, when in fact Cailan was pretending to want war to keep his troops in good spirits (Wynne confirms this). Cailan knew they were going to die at Ostagar thanks to Loghain -- this is why he sends you and Alistair to the tower. I think he might have even known Loghain was sabotaging the tower.

Again, all of this is mentioned in Return to Ostagar. Nothing about Ostagar was "morally gray" as Solas (and Patrick Weekes, who apparently doesn’t know the story) would have you believe.

And yet, while Loghain's actions were very wrong, he was also not the mad, evil, cartoony villain Alistair saw him as.

Loghain was a sick man who believed he was doing what was right: THAT is what makes this situation morally gray.

Also, Loghain's an asshole because he's racist. I recall one playthrough he called my Mahariel a wild elf, insinuating that she was worthless because she was Dalish. And even though he worked with the Dalish in the books, he and Maric never really treated them like people. The elves fought in the war to liberate Ferelden and then got all of nothing for it and went right back to being socially, religiously, economically oppressed (correct me if I'm wrong). Sounds a bit like the Revolutionary War, huh?

All those nobles at the landsmeet screaming about how Fereldens don't believe in slavery, as if oppression ends at whips and chains.That entire scene at the landsmeet was very realistic, actually. How many white people today think people of color aren't socially, economically oppressed and that oppression ended with slavery? They'v got freedom and don't even know what it is. But if it was suddenly taken away, they would know. Oh, they would know. 

This grimdark crap is why I enjoy breaking the theme by playing a Warden who is not an anti-hero but a hero. Which means that Loghain always dies in my games because a hero would kill him, while a pragmatic anti-hero would make use of him.

The fact that Dragon Age: Origins is grimdark is what makes playing a shining hero so great. Dagna's line about the Gray Warden "It was a time of darkness, she was the only light" was perfect because of this.

I loved playing a hero who saved the day without resorting to pragmatism. I loved it simply because the real world doesn't work that way, and I wish desperately that it did; I wish that people could just be good for once.

I loved playing a hero and having Loghain realize my character was everything he should have been and everything he could not be. (Again, it's the same with Solas and a good, morally upstanding Inquisitor.)

That being said, I also believe a "good" Inquisitor would let Blackwall live. I believe the difference between Loghain and Blackwall is that  while one has a chance to overcome his own darkness, the other does not. Loghain never goes on a killing spree again should you let him live, but he also has to live in misery the rest of his life. Frankly, I always viewed his execution as a mercy kill. And if you defeat him in combat, he pretty much asks you -- with a content smile -- to kill him.

The point I'm trying to make, what I'm getting at is this:

I suddenly understand why series with more "mature," thought-provoking themes like Dragon Age and Mass Effect have been dumbed down and watered down into childish, cartoony, bullcrap.

The fans are too young to get it.

That's not an insult. It's just the truth. We're all naive and inexperienced at least once in our lives. That's the very definition of youth.

Look at Tales of Symphonia and Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of a New World. The first game -- while still a bit ridiculous, adolescent, and cliched -- at least has more mature, thought-provoking themes, situations that leave you questioning if you did the right thing. The second game is a bunch of adolescent whining, cringey cliches, and utter nonsense.

Dragon Age: Origins went from characters with depth, meaningful choices, and interesting npcs to Inquisition, the light-hearted, bubbly, bland, cliched, MMORPG/Skyrim wannabe, where your choices don’t matter and your own followers treat you like shit long after you’ve befriended them -- but only if you’re Dalish.

Mass Effect went from the same deal (mature themes, blah, blah, blah) to watered down . .  . everything. Tactics, choices, any seriousness or depth was all replaced with button-mashing combat and campy comic book drivel (yeah, I went there). Though don't get me wrong: at least the combat for Mass Effect was fun across all three games.

It's like the writers went, "Fuck it. The audience wouldn't appreciate or grasp mature themes anyway!" and gave us a bunch of cartoonish, ridiculous shit.

I wish they’d stop. If young fans don’t get it, then they don’t get it. Why change your games when the audience is still the same?

[gradencetrickortreat]

The Gradence Trick or Treat Halloween Fest prompts are out! See the ‘Treat’ prompts under the cut (and read the claiming guidelines here):

Anonymous prompters submitted:

Prompt: Slutty halloween costumes = roleplay opportunity

Squicks: none

Max Rating: NC17

Claim number to submit: Treat 1 (1 claim)

Prompt: AU where one of the boys is a Halloween spirit/King of the pumpkin patch, and meets the other under creepy, Halloween-esque circumstances - in a mist-filled graveyard, an haunted house, some old forest. He may want to strike a bargain, or crave company (in any form you’d like), or simply decide to play a bit with this mortal - until they fall in love, of course.

Squicks: PWP

Maximum Rating: R

Claim number to submit: Treat 2 (2 claims)

Mod note: all spots for this prompt now filled! We won’t be accepting any further claims on this prompt. Thank-you. :)

Prompt: The magical world does Halloween in style (pumpkins, parties, costumes, etc), because what better way to blend in? Graves discovers that Credence has never experienced the holiday, so he whisks him away to the Graves country estate where his family comes together for the weekend to celebrate. Up to the author whether they bring Modesty with them or if she’s bonding with her new family elsewhere or any other option. The getting-together/confessing their feelings trope would be lovely, but pre-slash or established relationship is also great if the writer so decides.

Squicks: No prejudice or disapproval from the Graves family about Credence, please and thanks. No victim-blaming also. No enslaved house elves.

Maximum Rating: Anything is fine

Claim number to submit: Treat 3 (0 claims)

Prompt: Should Percival be Antony or Julius Caesar to Credence’s Cleopatra? Alternately, Credence is Antony.

Squick: none

Max Rating: M

Claim number to submit: Treat 4 (1 claim)

Prompt: Credence in a kitty costume. That’s it that’s the prompt

Squicks: Painplay, abuse within the pairing

Maximum Rating: NC-17

Claim number to submit: Treat 5 (0 claims)

Prompt: Modern AU. Credence takes Modesty trick or treating, and Mr. Graves’ house is the one with the full size candy bars. Credence comes back later after he takes Modesty home.

Squicks: no calling Graves “daddy”

Maximum Rating: Hard R.

Claim number to submit: Treat 6 (0 claims)

@accio-toffy​ submitted:

Prompt: On the midnight of October 30-31 the gate between all times opens. Ghosts pour out, skeletons come to life, witches dance under the moon and sometimes people stumble into wrong timelines. When Credence Barebone watches Halloween celebrations out of a small church window in 1920, he becomes a witness to appearance of a man in strange clothes and a glowing device in his hand, which he seems to be talking to.

They have one day to build trust, friendship and love; and when the clock strikes again at midnight of the Halloween eve, they must find a way for one to enter 2020 or another to stay in 1920.

(Magic can be preserved, tooth-rotting fluff, romance and even silliness is highly encouraged).

Squicks: Please no angst (or minor), no explicit child abuse, no daddy kink, no mpreg, no underage. If you are writing explicit, please no actual penetration (aka no anal).

Maximum Rating: anything from Teen to Explicit works just fine

Claim number to submit: Treat 7 (0 claims)

@chryselephantinechaos submitted:

Modern AU, w magic—Percival doesn’t care about Halloween, but this is Credence’s first Halloween, so he invites him over to watch movies, eat way too much candy to find out what Credence likes, and hide from trick-or-treaters. Percival goes All Out with decorating, and even rents a ghost for the day.

Squicks: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Max Rating: absolutely anything

Claim number to submit: Treat 8 (1 claim)

@clockhearted-crocodile submitted:

Prompt: Credence has never been allowed to take part in Halloween before (a pagan festival *gasp*) so living with Mr. Graves is the first time he’s experienced Halloween, and not just Halloween but WIZARDING Halloween.

Squicks: Not really any.

Maximum Rating: Any rating’s good.

Claim number to submit: Treat 9 (0 claims)

Prompt: It’s MACUSA’s annual Halloween ball. All these government officials get to dress up as whatever they really want to be, just for a night; there some pirates there, a few angels, even a couple of convincingly imitated no-maj celebrities. But Credence arrives dressed in the uniform of a junior Auror, and Percival feels a sudden conflict between wanting Credence to stay safe and out of the ranks, and really liking the idea of Credence working under him (in more ways than one …)

Squicks: Nothing to speak of.

Maximum Rating: Any rating.

Claim number to submit: Treat 10 (0 claims)

@meremeduse​ submitted:

Prompt: Credence takes his little sister trick-or-treating and she insists on going to the scariest house/apartment/whatever in the area — which everyone knows is haunted and satanists sacrificed a baby there thirty years ago or whatever. He doesn’t want to refuse her, so he knocks on the door… And it opens to Percival Graves.

Squicks: No bodily fluids, unless it’s like… spit. Keep it cute!

Maximum Rating: PG-13, maybe a soft R

Claim number to submit: Treat 11 (1 claim)

@nettlekettle​ submitted:

Prompt: Credence has a long-term crush on Graves which he believes is unrequited (spoiler, it’s not!). On Hallowe'en night, Credence and Queenie (and others if you like!) play lots of traditional divination games (if you google there are lots of historical games such as peeling apples and divining your true love from the shape of the peel - or just poke me and I’ll send some links!). Every single game they play gives one result - Graves is Credence’s true love / future husband. Graves himself confirms that the games aren’t wrong!

Squicks: Credence under 21 years of age, self-harm, any mentions of hanging, mpreg or ABO.

Maximum Rating: G to Mature? So nothing NC-17. :)

Claim number to submit: Treat 12 (2 claims)

Mod note: we now have two claims for fic for this prompt. One more claim for another medium will be accepted, but no more fic claims will be allowed. Thank-you!

Prompt: Lantern carving! Pie baking!

I thought I’d submit something simple and visual which might be fun for both artists and writers, so - Credence carving a pumpkin! If you like, he could bake the pumpkin guts into a delicious pie (perhaps with help from Queenie and/or Jacob)! :)

Squicks: Hmm. Anyone eating raw pumpkin? That seems inadvisable! :P

Maximum Rating: G.

Claim number to submit: Treat 13 (1 claim)

Prompt: “Witches and devils are abroad this night!!!”

Set prior to the events of the film, Credence is still stuck with the Second Salemers, but has developed a bond with real!Graves (your choice of what stage the relationship is at). On Hallowe'en night, Mary Lou is shouting and shouting about how “witches and devils are abroad on Hallow’s Eve!” and how they must all stay in the church praying. Credence is scared to go outside but also terribly excited to sneak out and join Mr Graves, who takes him to see all the joys of the holiday (perhaps all the big Hallowe'en window displays!)

Squicks: Credence under age 19/20ish, anything resembling non-con, suicide (enacted or mentioned), hanging or hangman’s nooses, self-harm, sexual abuse, unexpected use of sex-toys (!)

Maximum Rating: G to NC-17.

Claim number to submit: Treat 14 (0 claims)

@shamelessstudentsdream​ submitted:

Prompt: Coffee Shop AU (maybe Credence working for Jacob? Percival healing and trying something a tad less stressful for a time?). Cutesy Halloween atmosphere. Golden leaves, oversized sweaters, carved pumpkins and all that jazz.

Squicks: PWP

Maximum Rating: M

Claim number to submit: Treat 15 (2 claims)

@soughs​ submitted:

Prompt: Setting up to writer. Percival hates Halloween with all of his grumpy heart. The children are too loud and he can’t enjoy his evening in peace. When someone knocks on his door - knocks, not ring - despite the clear “no candies” sign, he’s pissed off. Little does he know that the young man in front of his house is no lost tourist but a leannán sí determined to find a human lover to run away from the fairy kingdom - only a kiss of love can keep Credence on earth.

Squicks: I’d prefer a happy ending.

Maximum Rating: NC-17/Explicit

Claim number to submit: Treat 16 (2 claims)

@sozdanie-gryazi-eternal submitted:

Prompt: Photographer Credence and Rockstar Graves: thats it thats all i got.

squicks: fisting? i guess

maximum rating: nc-17

i already made a graphic but so far have had nada luck. PLEASE BE INSPIRED ANYONE?

Your mods encourage ‘halloweening this up’ ;)

Claim number to submit: Treat 17 (1 claim)

@unicornmagic​ submitted:

Prompt: Graves takes Credence out of the city for broom-riding lessons. At night. Bonus points for: moonlit autumn countryside, haystacks, sly (or not so sly) dick jokes.

Squicks: Noncon, abuse, pain, blood, a general absence of fun

Maximum Rating: PG-13

Claim number to submit: Treat 18 (2 claims)

Mod note: we now have two claims for fic for this prompt. One more claim for another medium will be accepted, but no more fic claims will be allowed. Thank-you!

@weconqueratdawn​ submitted:

Prompt: Modern trick or treat AU - Credence takes his little sisters trick or treating, so they pay a visit to the handsome man who lives on their street - Mr Graves. It’s the first time they’ve really spoken and he makes Credence nervous - Mr Graves notices his interest and invites him back later :) Bonus - some kind of a first time sexual experience for Credence.

Squicks: I’m fairly hard to outright squick - I loathe anything to do with feet though lol

Maximum Rating: NC-17 / Explicit.

Claim number to submit: Treat 19 (1 claim)

Your mod @gothyringwald would humbly like to add:

Prompt: It’s Credence’s first time celebrating Halloween and he eats too much candy.

Squicks: daddy kink, feminisation, watersports/scat, ABO, mpreg, underage, bottom Graves, incest, unhappy endings

Maximum Rating: T

Claim number to submit: Treat 20 (0 claims)

Prompt: Credence and Graves meet at a Halloween midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Credence is a Rocky Horror virgin (you can decide if he’s any other kind of virgin, too) and Graves is a member of the shadowcast (preferably Eddie, please) who takes pity on (and takes a fancy to) him when he’s brought up onstage.

Squicks: daddy kink, feminisation, watersports/scat, ABO, mpreg, underage, bottom Graves, incest, unhappy endings

Maximum Rating: Explicit/NC-17

Claim number to submit: Treat 21 (0 claims)

Prompt: Graves is a vampire who hates Halloween (it’s just so commercial). Credence hates Halloween because no one ever invites him to their parties. Somehow, they meet (on Halloween, obviously).

Squicks: daddy kink, feminisation, watersports/scat, ABO, mpreg, underage, bottom Graves, incest, unhappy endings

Maximum Rating: Explicit/NC-17

Claim number to submit: Treat 22 (1 claim)

Prompt: COUPLES COSTUMES! (i.e. Graves and Credence dress in co-ordinating costumes as a couple).

Squicks: daddy kink, feminisation, watersports/scat, ABO, mpreg, underage, bottom Graves, incest, unhappy endings

Maximum Rating: T

Claim number to submit: Treat 23 (2 claims)

Prompt: Warm Bodies (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warm_Bodies_(film)) AU

Squicks: daddy kink, feminisation, watersports/scat, ABO, mpreg, underage, bottom Graves, incest, unhappy endings

Maximum Rating: Explicit/NC-17

Claim number to submit: Treat 24 (1 claim)

Your other mod @graves-expectations would humbly like to add:

Prompt: who remembers that episode of Buffy (Season 2 Episode 6, as it happens, named ‘Halloween’ :D) where the gang buy costumes from one particular shop on Halloween and then take on the traits of that costume? Credence and/or Graves end up in a cursed costume or something and then suddenly become that costume until someone can break the spell. Go nuts with who what where when and why :D

Squicks: underage, watersports/scat, endings that are not HAPPY >:(

Maximum Rating: whatever your heart desires

Claim number to submit: Treat 25 (2 claims)

Mod note: we now have two claims for fic for this prompt. One more claim for another medium will be accepted, but no more fic claims will be allowed. Thank-you!

Prompt: Penelope AU! (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penelope_(2006_film)) Graves is cursed with a pig’s nose and the curse will only be broken if ‘one of his own kind’ learns to love him. Credence is the man who stumbles into the bachelor interviews by mistake… (just gimme that Halloween party at the end! <3)

Squicks: underage, watersports/scat, endings that are not HAPPY >:(

Maximum Rating: whatever your heart desires

Claim number to submit: Treat 26 (0 claims)

[theomachys]

a story of repeating regret

the modern reincarnation au no one asked for ( or, nikolai, faina, and discussions of a past king )   — nikolai x faina

history textbook lying face down over his stomach, nikolai stares at the ceiling and sighs. his good leg dangles off the couch, barefooted and swinging dangerously close to the cup of coffee balanced precariously on a stack of books. the other leg, encased in thick plaster with half the campus’ names and well wishes scrawled over the surface, lies immobile, propped up by whichever ratty cushions his roommates were able to find.

not prime date location, he thinks. the stack of unwashed dishes in the sink alone kills any romantic mood that might’ve sprung up. although he can’t blame his roommates’ filthy habits either. this is emphatically not a date—it’s a tutoring session. a hard won tutoring session in the comfort of his shared apartment on campus because faina volkov is too kind hearted to make him limp all the way across campus to the library.

nikolai is not used to people being kind.

“my mother says a piece of happiness escapes with every sigh,” faina comments. soft brown hair held back with a blue scrunchie, she glances over at him. her eyes are hidden by her black frames, and nikolai thinks that’s a crying shame, but moments later he’s distracted by a glimpse of her exposed neck, of pale skin he’s spent far too long fantasising about and—

what the fuck. he blinks and shakes his head. the rooms spins a bit. get a hold of yourself.

“your mom’s a nice lady.” nikolai tosses back. “cheerful.” as if he has any happiness to lose. his perpetual bitter mood has made him a ‘boring emo fuckhead’ in the words of some of his friends. faina is one of the only people willing to endure his company for an extended period of time (and yeah, he’ll blame his attachment on that). both grateful and frustrated, he tries to bite his tongue, unwilling to drive her away, but he knows she can see the black cloud hovering over his head.

she stares at him with pursed lips and taps her pen against her mouth. it’s not helping. “having trouble?”

“more like finding it hard to give a fuck.” a history of the akulakrovi clan is a horrible class and nikolai can’t believe he has to take it for his political science degree. it just doesn’t make sense. if it hadn’t been for his injury, he wouldn’t have bothered showing up. but if he hadn’t shown up (and failed the midterm), he would have never met faina, the soft spoken med student one year below him and a hell of a lot smarter.

so, wins and losses.

“nikolai.” her voice is quietly amused, as if holding back a laugh. faina reaches forward and picks up the history textbook from his stomach and he jerks upright, heart hammering in his chest. even through the fabric of his shirt, her touch burns him—not entirely unpleasantly. brows furrowed, faina pauses. “is everything okay?”

his throat is dry. he swallows. “fine.” to cover up his awkward, visceral reaction, he says, “by the way, i said you could call me kolya. my friends all do.”

her eyes widen.  “i… i didn’t know we were friends,” she says carefully. he thinks he catches a hint of uncertainty in her eyes and yes, okay, he can understand that. they’ve been doing these tutoring sessions for less than two months and faina is not the kind of girl he would find himself hanging out with in normal circumstances. prince nikolai akulakrovi is not only royalty but also one of elv university’s star athletes. compared to that, faina volkova is nobody. this is past the realm for jock-and-nerd cliches; it’s downright strange.

“‘course we are.” nikolai leaves no room for argument, at least not about this.

faina smiles and he thinks of springtime, of flowers beginning to bloom. before he can say anything else, the smile has faded and her head is bent over the history book she liberated from him. “this is your family’s history. how is it not interesting?”

she has a point—it is his blasted clan’s history. but then again. “it’s just a bunch of names on a page,” nikolai says. he leans back and resumes staring at the ceiling. “doesn’t mean anything to me.”

“what about your namesake?”

the history book is shoved in his face unceremoniously, open to the chapter on king nikolai petrov akulakrovi, born 1470. “you mean the worst king elv’s ever had,” nikolai says flatly. the king reigned immediately after the war of nations and instituted numerous reforms in the kingdom, most of which were not very popular. in fact, elv hated them so much that the next successor was chosen from the takret clan, who immediately undid all of the former king’s policies. there wouldn’t be another akulakrovi in power until nikolai’s great-grandfather.

“what? no!” her mouth drops open, as if she can’t even conceive of anyone disliking the old man. “king nikolai was a great ruler.” and faina sounds so sure of this, as if she’s saying the sky is blue or grass is green.

nikolai scoffs. “he sucked. not as bad as, you know, emperor daehyun of surya or anything, but he sucked.” more than just balls, probably. or not balls. hell, he doesn’t know. “his own people didn’t want his son on the throne.”

“he was progressive,” faina insists. she must be a fan. there are plenty of them nowadays—he’s their favourite old history dude because his morals are closely aligned with beliefs today. “elv wasn’t ready for it then.”

“sucked.”

“nikolai—”

“kolya,” he repeats. she crosses her arms over her chest. “oh, come on. he’s dead anyway.” dead for centuries, his bones probably lying at the bottom of the sea. of all the akulakrovis to be named after, why did it have to be that one? nikolai has always had an issue with it. what if history repeats itself?

after a tense pause, faina sits down with the book in hand. “he was a good soldier,” she says finally. “and a good ruler, and a good husband.”

ah, dammit. don’t say anything, he tells himself, but of all the myths this is the one he hates the most. “yeah? flip ahead to page 236.” 

faina gives him a quizzical look but does as he says. “nikolai married freya evighet, lady in waiting to the queen.” she reads out loud. her voice is gentle, like a spring breeze that ruffles one’s hair and dances across their face. “the story of their courtship was widely documented and the basis of many popular songs and plays of the time—why am i reading this?”

“skip ahead a paragraph.”

“in 2015, historians uncovered a partially destroyed letter reportedly written by king nikolai himself to a mystery lover and—oh.” she flips over the reproduced copy of the letter, donated to the elvan historical foundation by nikolai’s father last year after they’d found it one of the castle’s storage rooms.

to my dear [illegible] you will, no doubt, think of me as an idiot for writing this. spies are everywhere even within elv, and a letter like this one would be treasure to my enemies. i know [illegible] …

i will marry freya. it will not be terrible (or so i am telling myself) as she is my best friend of many years and i believe she loves me. her father commands troops of [illegible] …

i could not refuse without hurtling her. i did consider running away, but i knew you would frown on that. duty—we both understand it, do we not? i do not want to be a coward who shirks from his responsibilities. but neither do i want to be untrue to myself. i love [illegible] …

in some other life, perhaps we are allowed a chance. a chance that has been denied to us by the gods now. perhaps in another life, we are unapologetically in love, even married. perhaps in another life, i am not a prince or you are a princess. perhaps [illegible] …

be happy. kolya

a pause. silence settles in the dingy little apartment and nikolai almost laughs because this is weird. it’s like telling your girlfriend your grandfather used to be a gigolo or something equally ridiculous. as far as dirty little secrets go, it’s not a bad one ( barring the fact that people have come forward since claiming to descended from king nikolai’s bastard son ), but it is strange to think the man he’s named after wasn’t the perfect king.

( although maybe it shouldn’t be surprising—nikolai’s not the perfect prince either ).

“this is so sad,” faina breathes. she touches the page gently, almost reverently, and closes her eyes. the expression on her face is distant. forcing himself to sit up, nikolai stares at her and wonders what she’s thinking of. he wonders if he ruined something for her. “this is terrible. he loved someone he couldn’t be with.”

“is it?” irritability bleeds into his voice. “isn’t it just another weakness to add to the list? couldn’t keep his country together, couldn’t keep his people happy, couldn’t love his wife—or couldn’t gather up the guts to leave her. one mess after another.” and—fine, fine, fine. he is officially projecting. dragging a hand down his face, nikolai exhales loudly. wouldn’t it be grand if this is his destiny too?

warmth engulfs his hand. nikolai starts and glances down—faina covers it with her own and gives him a tentative smile. “i don’t think it’s a weakness.” her voice doesn’t waver. “it takes a lot of strength to do your duty. it takes a lot of strength to what necessary, not what you want to do.” he gets the feeling she isn’t only talking about the ancient king and his heart swells in his chest.

“i’m scared,” nikolai blurts out. “i’m scared i’ll end up like him, you know? become king, fuck up badly and have people turn against me. i’m scared it’ll happen now. hell, after i broke my leg, it’s like people couldn’t get away from me fast enough. i know i fucked up. i know i did. i never should have gotten hurt. i let people down; i let my team down, but they just… abandoned me.” he points at the cast. “those signatures? they mean nothing. i don’t know what i’m worth anymore.”  

the problem is that he can understand his ancestor all too well. it is why he fears king nikolai petrov akulakrovi’s failures will be his own. his shoulders slump. “you’re… not my therapist.” it’s not fair to dump the worries he’s been stewing over for weeks on her. faina does not need to hear his. forcing a grin, he says, “you can tell me to shut up.”

but she doesn’t say anything, just continues to hold his hand. her thumb brushes over his knuckles and he tries to remember how to breathe, and dammit how is he supposed to observe boundaries when her hands and soft and small, the perfect size to be tucked into his? “i like you.” barely above a whisper, faina says, “even if no one else is, i’m here for you.”

i want you, nikolai almost replies. he doesn’t mean ‘want you to be here for me’ or ‘want you to stay’ or anything else. he wants her and he’s too fucking cowardly to say so. old king nikolai married lady freya instead of his lover out of a sense of duty, and at least one can argue that is noble. prince nikolai can’t ask his tutor out because he’s afraid of what she might say. he’s afraid of what other people might say. most of all, the anchor of his nonexistent-but-still-official long distance relationship with lady rose evergreen of durr hangs around his neck, dragging him down to the depths.

he brings her hand up and presses his lips against her smooth skin. nikolai hears faina’s breath hitch but she doesn’t pull away nor break the silence. she smells like cherry blossoms, he notices idly, and wonders how he’ll play this off as a joke. when he lets go of her hand, faina blinks at him. head tilted to the side, she waits for an explanation, cradling her hand against her chest. spots of pink color her cheeks and nikolai is miserable because he’d like nothing more than to lean over and kiss her. 

i’m sorry, he says silently. nikolai is not brave enough to move forward yet. someday he might be, but for now, he’ll stay where he is. out loud, “we should get back to the books, yeah?” focused on digging his notebook out from the cracks of the couch, he nearly misses the flicker of disappointment flashing across faina’s face.

“oh, yes. we have a test tomorrow.” her voice trembles slightly and nikolai pretends not to notice. faina brushes her hair away from her face and grabs her notes. she’s not looking at him on purpose—he deserves it. mixed signals aren’t fun to decipher. nikolai hopes he doesn’t seem like he is toying with her. he isn’t. he’s toying with himself.

flipping open to a blank page while faina busies herself with gathered their study materials, nikolai grabs a pen and stares at it. seized by sudden impulse, he scrawls a few words on the corner of the page and rips it out. the folded note is then slipped into one of faina’s textbooks. if he can’t say it… this is the only way nikolai will allow himself to express his feelings. he hopes that one day, she’ll find it.

faina, i like you. i like you a lot.